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Originally Posted by Classic
Why is that? Suicide usually doesn't come from a need to reach a great afterlife but from the ending of current suffering. I know if I were in hell on earth I'd rip the cord, so why should be punished with more agony in the afterlife? Further more where exactly would the 'regret' my 'soul' feels come from? Surely it isn't leaving behind the evil and psychopathic people that made my life a living hell on earth.
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If I may...
Back when I no longer wanted to live, I was more afraid of dying in the condition I was in because I was sure I'd wind up in a horrible state of being . Lost , confused, clouded, and separated from Spirit , because I was a hopeless drunk , and I sensed deeply and felt sure that death would only bring a continuation of the energies I was immersed in , which I had created . I had no hope or expectation that death would bring resolution quickly or easily . I felt that it might possibly make things much worse.
From this, the subsequent recovery and transformation , and from understanding things in this thread, I see death as a continuance of
the state of being we have created for ourselves. If we are a victim of life , we will carry the pain , fear , and other such ways of being right along with us, without instant resolution. Perhaps resolution would come easier in the Spirit world , I myself do not know, but I would allow that possibility. But the alternative scared me silly .
What I wanted most was connection with Spirit , and that wasn't happening , and I got drunk to numb the pain . Maybe that hunger for connection would have propelled me to resolve things easily once I passed , but maybe not . My soul was already traumatized , so what's the worst that could've happened?...
Except that I did concieve of , and greatly fear , some of the possibilities, some of the nasty realms I might slip into if I died in such a twisted state. Bizarre and truly hellish realms; creations of a sick, disturbed mind , poisoned and corrupted by substance abuse and self-indulgence. Being so far away from that now , I don't even remember much except how the dread of
getting lost in such places weighed heavily on me. Somewhere deep inside, I knew that dying like that was a very bad idea for me , so I stayed , and kept drinking , and eventually things happened that led to a new life .
Now I sometimes do still consider leaving , but it wouldn't be to escape life , because I'm not a victim of life . Neither is life an idealized precious thing I would cling desperately to . Suicide would not be a desperate act , and neither would clinging to life be. It would be a conscious decision to move on to the next phase of existence , with expectations of continuation of being how I am , which isn't bad . The open-ended multidimensionality of being described in this thread corresponds to brief glimpses I've had of 'other' realms, so I feel that transition would be ... like walking through the doorway for good, and on into wondrous ways of being . A continuation ... the next steps.
But I don't feel ready for that yet , but that would be the reason to leave :
not to escape 'here', but to go 'there', because I will have finished 'here' .
I will have outived my usefulness and cultivated ways of being that will make transition a natural next step , should I decide to leave that way. A completely different scenario than what it was like when I was miserable .
That's my take, and I await with interest more input from
Sparrow
