it is rough, finding nice things happening and then having to question the motive for which they happened and having to mistrust and think that was the most important thing.
OTOH getting lost in nice things happening 'magically' can be a real problem. If what you need for example is to learn to rely on yourself more?
Unless you never ever get nice things happening anyway anyway in which case it can be a real gem when it does appear. But then getting past the mistrust is where the next problem lies.
OTOH I feel like you were given an opportunity to learn something here. Whether it would have been of interest to you I don't know. I do know you said at one point that some of the hidden knowledge seemed interesting though... personally, if I could have just been fed some of the stuff I know instead of having to scrounge around in the spiritual equivalent of trash heaps and other unlikeable places to find hidden manna, AND trusted that it would actually work out that I did that, I would have been in seventh heaven! But that is just me. I realize others may desire a different path.
there is no magic bullet, the choice you made has some pluses and some minuses. I don't know enough about you to know where your heart really lies... maybe michelle11 was able to get closer to that
