For a while, I've been waking up to words that weren't mine. Every so often, I'd get words that felt a bit 'off' is the best way to describe them. It left me with a niggle that's made me really look at what's been given. In May, I was pointed in the direction of finding a house that I really liked after not being able to find one I liked for ages. In the month before, I noticed that from being quite neutral after being a bit down in the dumps I suddenly went to being ecstatic with joy literally overnight and I think I posted on here about it as I couldn't understand where it came from.
Nothing bothered me, I didn't get angry or upset at things that I normally would, nothing annoyed me and my dreams took on a much nicer turn. Moving house is stressful and I hadn't enjoyed it previously so I felt after I'd moved into this wonderful new house that the Universe perhaps helped me by keeping me upbeat. The way it happened so quickly had left me reeling and the synchronicities were off the scale so much so, I struggled to get my head around it.
After settling in I found I was bored. I asked myself why I didn't feel grateful and kept thinking, you do feel grateful to thinking but not grateful enough to how I feel I should be. There was something I couldn't put my finger on. Whilst being unable to sleep one night I heard the word 'Lazarus' and laughed thinking what the heck, where did I think of that from. That was the start of the words coming to me on a more regular basis.
Anyway, words have been coming and I've been feeling like there was something I wasn't picking up on. I'd been researching Egyptology which has been an on and off thing for a few months, I'd see something that made me look at something else and go off on a tangent then go back to Egyptology again. About 3 nights ago, something piqued my interest in the direction of 'Jesus' and I don't know why. I've never read the bible, the last time I held one in my hand was as a small child at school. I've never grown up with an interest in religion of any kind. I thought of myself as an atheist until a major trauma set the ball rolling into becoming 'aware'
Something about Jesus, I don't understand what yet, I decided to watch a documentary and since that have looked at quite a bit in that I saw someone 'question communication they had with something that didn't feel right to them' so that had me 'perked up' as I felt like that's how I felt on odd occasions but not all. I went to bed the other night and decided not to meditate and in the morning was given the words 'you're p.ssing Stephen off'
This was one of those occasions where I felt something wasn't quite right here and I'd watched that initial documentary about Jesus that night before going to bed. Last night I didn't meditate, I waited until I was relaxed and said to no-one in particular....'I get words coming to me that are sometimes swear words and the odd word that feels derogatory but I haven't been sure if I've taken it out of context and given it the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm asking if any of the information I've been given has come through you from Creator in the name of Jesus of Nazareth, son of Creator and who died on the cross and rose 3 days later.'
So, this morning I've had these words, almost as a back and forth communication which made me realise, I've been made to believe that I was unable to communicate unless I meditated first and it had to be in the form of dreams or on waking. I've thought about that before in that I felt I should be able to communicate like that with myself all the time surely....anyway, this is what I received:
Lottery
Mountain
Neil Diamond
I asked for clarification on why I'd had the words 'you're p.ssing Stephen off' and in reply got;
Baby Girl
White Bunny
Faith
At this point I thought, somethings not right here, I saw that white rabbit out of the blue again yesterday after not seeing it for days and then immediately after thinking it I received the words;
P.ss off Eric
Planted Finger
Wanted Suicide
I then saw an image of a herd of horses with people riding them and got more words;
Rainbow
Presidency Took Over
I saw an image of a gold ring lying in dirt, then more words;
Nicks Spoils
At this point I said....'I don't believe you' and these are the words I got in return;
How does it feel
Too thick too notice
Choice
You are diminished
Death will come crawling at your door
So.....I've got up thinking, ok, at least I now know. Perhaps I'm an easy target, I live alone, I removed all my family and friends as they weren't serving me anymore with this new 'awareness' so I've essentially isolated myself which is what someone with depression will do. Withdraw. I've always enjoyed my own company and liked doing things on my own but still enjoyed others company.
I couldn't understand how I've manifested some of the great things I have since May this year feeling like I haven't done anything to manifest them myself because after moving in, not even a month after I was starting to feel 'bored' and 'low' out of the blue. I can see why I would have inner turmoil and think I was depressed from nowhere when I actually haven't been.
There's been a pattern of what seems like being built up for a few weeks to crash down to being built up again, to crash down and I'm in the process of trying to look back at when that started.
I don't know what 'had hold of me' I won't let it carry on I know that. I just feel a little lost and disappointed and don't know where to go from here. I don't know if some things were right and somethings sneakily slipped in or if it was all from the same thing. I feel wary as synchronicities have continued all day. I feel like I've been taken advantage of and wonder just how long this has been going on, whether it was going on before I became 'aware' and started this spiritual journey
I apologise to everyone who's been helping me decoding my dreams and the words. I don't know what were my dreams or if any of them have been. Sigh.