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It sorta means that you still have some pondering to do - go more in-depth with your thinking (and feeling) on what she did...It's all about you and how you're handling things these days. I think it would help if you just calmly as you can, ponder on the memories that come to you, and not with the intention of immediate forgiveness - iow, look at them in a down to earth and practical way - how they affected you back then, and how they affect you now and what you think you can do to live with them now and in the future. What will work best for you. Take your time with it. Kind wishes to you, Donya.
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