Wow, cj, that was a beautiful and brave sharing you did there! I feel pretty much the same way, although after I had open-heart surgery on June 30th of this year, I lost about 10 pounds thus far. It seems like you're doing all the right things, but one thing I wondered about is if you are getting enough good bacteria in your digestive system. I had to go back in the hospital because my leg where they took the vein got infected, they had me on antibiotics via IV for 3 days, then sent me home with a big bottle of extra-strength antibiotic pills and I knew that meant death to the good bacteria as well, so I took 2 Pearls (otc probiotics) morning and night, and if it weren't for that, my system would have suffered tremendously. I'm back to taking one a day (sometimes two), and it really helps keep my digestion running properly. You can also eat stuff like sauerkraut, and other fermented veggies, some like kefir or yogurt.
I feel for ya, I really do, because I have some of the same sentiments like about dating and feeling that I'm 'ok' and acceptable...the media doesn't help much, does it, heh. That's a big thing, because whether we like it or not, we telegraph how we feel about ourselves to others and that doesn't help our cause. So...needless to say, I need to work on that one myself!
Attitude is a big part of the 'answer', and what comes to mind also just now is food journaling, which I always resisted in the past, but come to think of it, that might be a good idea for me as well...for me, the answer is one I've been working on a long time: I stopped drinking sodas eons ago (diet and regular), except for rare occasions when on the road, cutting out many forms of carbs (except for the occasional craving, which I manage by not ignoring the craving, but satisfying it after about 2-3 weeks of repeated cravings, which I can usually deal with, for example I used to crave Cheetos but now, I never (!) buy them, but yesterday I had a 2-3 week craving for potato chips and bought an upscale brand which were delicious and once I polish them off in the next 2 days, then I won't crave them for a long, long time so that's my strategy there).
In any event, I hope your dream of losing all the weight you want can come true for you, because I have the same dream.
|