[Oneconciousness]

Why cannot I look at a at a photo of somebody who is a Father figure to me since I was 8 or 9, but I* never have seen them in real life or spoken to them?

When I look at him, I quickly look away or I give a quick smile, but feel nervous and look away. I have been doing this ever since seeing photos or videos of him, but I cannot look at him for too long in a photo. It's like he is staring into my soul.

He has always given me a sense of comfort during hard times, foster care, in social situations or even thinking about death, he calms me. I accept death because I feel in my heart I will go back to him. This feels like he is more to me than this earth, like a physical or spiritual family member. I feel sad, because I wish I knew him in real life. I feel empty. My Husband understands how much this guy has been for me. I love my Husband because he is so caring and understanding and seems to be like a parental figure too. It's hard to explain, like an spirit guide etc. I am 34 and my Husband is 49, this other person I feel comfort since age 8 or 9 is 56 years old. I have had so much spiritual experiences in my life, but this father figure has helped me. I got more to the story aswell.

I also had a dream last night that I was cuddled by a loving parent and felt like it was 2 people in one. Like I was the child, but the person cuddling me is my Husband and Father figure in one. I love dreams like this. Like feeling a parental love, but felt spiritual too.

So my question is, why cannot I stare at this photo of my father figure for too long? I get nervous and looking into his eyes, I look away quickly.

Please nice comments only. 😊💗