Colorado, hello and I'm sorry for your troubles. I don't know about the life path numerology. But I take at face value that he is as you have described. You meanwhile have been doing as women are culturally directed to do, to hope and trust and defer your needs. Mainly because we are weaker and more vulnerable, and many women need some protection and assistance in raising children in an otherwise somewhat hostile society.
We allow for a period of change and maturation when we're young and when so many do not get there, we have to take decisions and move on. Having kids postpones this decision by 10 to 20 years for some folks, of course not all. It's true the majority of humanity do not have a true partnership and cannot at this point in time in our development. Most of humanity lack the tools, the guidance, the historical example, and the level of consciousness or soul development.
In particular, men have never before in the history of humanity been expected by anyone, even women, to relate to women as their equals and not as women's superiors. There are suggestions of some sort of partnership based on traditional/religious strictures in Western religious texts, but these are not based on the manifest equality of the partners day-to-day. There is almost nothing in the Eastern texts historically and any mention is similarly heavily structured by traditional religion. In other words, to date we have squat, nada, no tradition of equality and authentic love in partnership, not culturally, not historically, and not outside of passing references to subservient positions in religious tradition. Certainly there is no manifest example of true parity in life partnership in any major religious canon...all is subverted to the demands of the dogma and the tradition.
We are expecting -- and of course, we do expect it -- all the individual men in all of our lives and in our society as a whole to awaken and go beyond humanity's vast, deep, and pervasive limitations in this area. Whilst (for many not married for their entire adult lives as you've been) due to this same toxic culture, so many women now seek to relate to men sexually and through titillation and overtly sexualized dress and manner...i.e., we relate to them as if they were base animals and this is how we manipulate or "engage" them. Toxic and degrading in itself, this only serves to reinforce men's tendency to objectify and debase women for sexual purposes. In other words, we can't fight fire with fire but that's the essence of our culture over the last 50 or years, according to recent history. As our recent history continues to show us, we will only ever lose in this "game" where we act as if we exist to please men. And we will never, ever obtain a true partnership of equals in authentic love by relating to men in this manner. The problem is, most men today don't particularly care about the muck we live in as they are now culturally geared to view us as servicers of their pleasure needs.
There are men who will get beyond all this cultural onslaught and toxic programming, but we have to be realistic. It's not going to be the majority of men right here and now. Not until and unless there is a fundamental cultural shift -- which itself typically takes place over at least a decade or so, for integration into everyone's personal lives.
Until that time, we have to focus on our own shift. As until that time, as more women are awakened to the realisation of their worth and parity in every sense, then women will continue to experience a fundamental sense of disappointment, futility, and exploitation in many of their relationships. We have to own the reality and take the necessary changes, and we have to articulate why. But most importantly of all, I think, we have to first and foremost be persons of integrity. In our own hearts, 24/7. If you cannot stand for the disparate and abusive treatment, then as a person of integrity you simply will draw your boundaries at some point, and you will take the necessary decisions.
Women have historically been a vulnerable and desperate people worldwide. As vulnerable and desperate people, dependent on the whims of others, personal integrity is a pipe dream. YET you cannot ever, ever truly love yourself when you cannot live a life of integrity according to YOUR standards, free and clear. Integrity does not mean you don't love and forgive and reconcile, and in fact it demands you do so. Yet when the intent over time is not two-way and is not sufficient, integrity also demands you find your line in the sand and hold to it, for authentic love of your SELF, equally to the other. Not lesser than the other. That is integrity for a woman, and too many around the world have yet to even be able to consider it as more than a pipe dream.
The cultivation of integrity and a strong, well-developed moral and ethical intelligence -- and of dignity, honour and autonomy on your own terms -- is a major soul lesson for anyone who incarnates as a woman.
That's at the very heart of it.
If you have the means to survive on your own, then integrity and dignity are not pipe dreams and you can cultivate them in THIS lifetime. Regardless if you stay or go, IMO it's cultivation and pursuit of these things that we as women need to balance alongside the loving and giving of ourselves and our hearts to others. This life is not about just pimping out our bodies and bleeding our hearts dry.
As you well know, anyway men don't generally value what is freely given (the casual uncommitted sex, OR all the emotional work women do in relationships - which allows many men to limp along emotionally whilst either coasting on autopilot &/or feeling resentful and castrated)...but rather they tend to value only what they decide has worth inside their secret hearts. All the sex and all the love and giving doesn't change a woman into a being of worth and value if the man doesn't see her and value her in that light. Or if he is incapable of seeing or valuing anyone in that light.
Some of what is seen as having value is extremely shallow and culturally conditioned. But much of it is also simply dependent on what they've decided to engage in -- i.e., the person or the thing becomes valuable to the man because he's decided to engage and put his attention there. They have to engage with the active, full capacity for authentic love from the get-go, but at this time, many simply cannot.
No matter how much stuff, even good stuff, a woman throws at a man...or gives him...she cannot make him grow, or see, or value her in the fullness of her humanity. No matter how long she stays and makes a place for him, if he cannot (or will not) value her with consistency and in ways that are supportive of her, then he cannot. The woman cannot change who the man is. She has led by example and been present and given. Now, IMO, it's time for many, many women to draw boundaries and give themselves the presence and love they've poured out onto others at their own expense. If a man doesn't or can't fully appreciate your love, but YOU can, then who is one who needs and appreciates your love at this time? YOU ARE
You are the one who needs and deserves your love.
In order to find balance in a place of overwhelming uncorrected imbalance (our society, our culture, our history, and thus many of our personal relationships), it falls to us as women to bring balance by drawing back and loving the self. How? Via cultivation of personal integrity and moral principal and strength of character. By taking full ownership for our lives, by setting boundaries and taking the hard choices needed allow for our soul growth and personal development. And we give ourselves the resources to do these things by first balancing all the giving of self and heart to others by redirecting an equal portion back to ourselves.
Peace & blessings
7L