Originally Posted by hellabomer
Thank you for your kind response. He has some beliefs. He often stated that he is afraid to hurt me in any way, and that's why he maintains his distance. But now that he has been quite harsh and pulled away completely, I really don't know what to believe anymore. Simply because he still comes online often, talks to other people (could be girls) and here I am, feel utterly empty and lonely. So, I feel like he is doing alright now, and I could be wrong in feeling that he loved or cared about me. I don't know. Everything seems like a lie right now.
But a part of me is embracing this separation. Strangely, I do feel like I need it to heal myself and learn to love myself first.
I think I have always had a really hard time in giving love to myself. I deem my presence as worthless, and such rejection often reinforce the idea.
I just don't know from where to start this work of self-love, as positive affirmations ring empty in my ears right now.
You are more than welcome.
Him being afraid of hurting you is his way of fearing rejection from
you IMO. It is almost reverse psychology, although he's probably not even aware what he's doing on a conscious level.
Loreleyn talks sense; she's talking about role identity - a part of the egoic self. We all have been there and tend to do it. You meet someone, put on an act, trying to show your partner what they want to see and hear, but the curtains soon come down and the makeup comes off exposing the real
identity underneath, that's when we find faults in others, complain etc etc.
But yes, he sounds scared IMO. Scared of him being rejected.
I imagine it is tough seeing him online, but stick with it and learn to accept the uncomfortable feeling of seeing him online. Worst thing is disappearing offline to avoid your fear - you'll never grow by doing that and you'll remain all cosey and warm in your comfort bubble. There's no proof he's talking to girls, this is mind chatter, so observe your thoughts, don't judge it and they will disperse.
And even if he is (which there's no proof) says more about his mindset than anything else. He perhaps may jump from one to the next, but the same pattern will emerge as he is living an illusion if that is what he does.
I know as I have been there and done it
Jumping from one to the next does not solve internal conditioned beliefs.
Embracing it is key, and that's really good to hear! There's countless things on self-love online. Millions of articles and thousands upon thousands on videos on YouTube. Get stuck into one of them IMO, but perhaps be alone, learn to be comfortable alone as no man is going to fix your inner conflict, this is fact. Not permanently anyway.