[Shinsoo]

You know, just...I'm done. I'm really done.

To be honest, I can't say I expected much when I posted this--it was more of a cry of frustration if anything--mostly because everyone I have met has had the same dang reaction: "oh, true guides would never manipulate you or torment you or threaten you."

I wish I could make people understand..but I guess I am just in a very, very unique situation. There is no one out there for me who is in my predicament. That the cetacean-type beings my soul chose as her spirit guides are manipulative, fearmongering, and purveyors of unease. I don't know if they are rogues that have split off from the main species, or what, but I KNOW they are not negative entities. They strike me more as beings that normal, loving spiritual dolphin-types would consider "from the wrong side of the tracks" If they were truly negative entities, my cats would have been very scared to be around me, maybe even attack me out of fear. But the cat is super chill.

The main one is called Trayvon, who is an orca-type being. Sometimes he shows himself to me as one. Other times he shows me himself as some kind of anthro...half orca, half human hybrid. Most of the time, he shows me his human image. Human image is very tall, with dark hair and dresses kind of...gothic I guess? Lots of black. If anyone wants to talk to him, you have my blessing. I'll laugh if he tries to blame stuff on my thought-forms tho. Or my soul...she doesn't do anything but give them permission to do stuff to me. They are the ones who actually DO stuff to me. The thought-forms are not the problem at all, they are just self-created negative tulpas that are stuck to my aura and mess with my thoughts from time to time. I have been deciphering the difference between them and my guides for FRICKING FOUR YEARS NOW. So I know what the hell I'm talking about and what is fact from fiction.

Talk to Trayvon. Ask him yourself--they convinced my soul to have a mentally disabled baby with my love--a baby that my soul originally planned to be normal. That they have my soul's permission to force pregnancy on me should my love and I have sex, even with two types of protection. That my soul gave Trayvon permission to sabotage me at work. That my soul is allowing him to cut off my arm. Ask him about my destiny to neglect a child and a dog in pursuit of my so called spiritual path. Ask him. You will recognize his signature as benevolent. He's usually around my head, trying to keep a thought-form from devouring my direct connection to Spirit.

They've simply made it clear that they want my soul to accomplish everything on her soul path, or pay the price of refusing the path and accomplish nothing.

I've only got one last hope. My love's "other self", who is fully realized and aware, and capable of putting things straight, even if it comes to destroying my soul in the process. I need a new soul. I don't like mine--it was stupid and dumb for contracting these jerks before incarnating. How the hell my soul even thought this would be a good idea to hurt her incarnation like this is beyond me.

They're threatening now to cut off my arm. They are still trying to force pregnancy on me--threatening to sabotage the job I work at...once i finish off this lease, all seemingly with my soul's blessing, because she isn't reacting--at all.

I get it now. I am alone in this. I need a new soul. I want so badly to have a walk-in, anything, anything is better than this horrible alien THING that is supposed to be the best aspects of me allowing this bull pucky to continue.

I'm done. YOu will never hear me talk to anyone about this subject ever again.

Just done.