All of the things previously posted still hold true. It just varies in intensity like the sun, clouded over some days, full on the next, cold wind blows ~ too hot to handle the next. Now that poor David' not here to shield me, when the thoughts of you being gone visit, they are inTENSE.
Just this moment, I thought back to when my son would get enraged when I would emote (cry) about something ~ I think he was already mourning his life, he couldn't handle whatever thoughts and feelings were going on in side him ~ I feel the same way about being around people most of the time lately, because oftentimes people will ask do you have any children. I ask people that myself. Then I say ups, I did have one, but he's 'gone'. There is something about people's reactions that fuel the intensity of my grief for the ensuing moments anyway. It's very tough to deal with. So, I can now comfort myself knowing that it's a normal reaction over losing my only son. When people ask that, I think most of the time people think it's a safe and happy subject, never really thinking that children die, too.
I've tried to stop saying I'm sorry, but I don't know that I ever will. I love you.
