[MergingWolf]

I'm glad I'm on my correct path cause for so many year since I was 20 (31 now), I been struggling stuck in a continuous rut, and no matter what positive thing I tried I couldn't escape this rut, couldn't find a job, barely kept myself fed, and I was living off my girlfriend for so long. Eventually it all reached its limit on the 30th of august this year. I tried to commit suicide. I took 30 muscle relaxants, in a attempt to kill myself, but I failed at it, cause i'm here talking to you all now, it only made me extremely distorted, and drowsy, barely able to pick my self up off the floor.

But since I survived, it has made me wonder why am I still here and why did I not die? what makes me so important or special that I get to live, I was ready to go? I wish someone to tell me what it all mean cause I don't see it? but seeing that I am somehow important, it has made me not want to kill myself tho I still have the thoughts sometimes, but the thoughts now are why me? what makes me so special? what can I possibly have to offer this world that i'm still in its presence?