Hi Susovan!!
Let me First say that Awareness that something(s) in this life don't feel shall I say Comfortable is more than many people even acknowledge in their often Far too busy everyday-ness and is definitely a Start. And reaching out to this community for input is also a plus...
As I read each responding post I am nodding my head. All Very Valid points which I hope you remain Open to!!
As I read your original post my first thought was that not even as importantly as the "Hows"~ like seeking out and paying Healers~ is that if you are not OPEN...completely Open to any kind of help/work/healing (which you had said you were skeptical of in the first place) there simply is not (imho and experience) any way for any of it to be beneficial.
My second thought was Holy Cow!! That is a LOT of $$!! Sort of like the saying "throwing good money after the bad"
I am thinking that YOU have yet to discover YOU the Authentic YOU...
and please do not feel offended as that is
not my intent~ but you are Still quite Young on this EarthWalk many things like knowledge, understanding, healing etc come whenever the Universe Knows we are Ready.
We two-leggeds ( I am NO different! ) can be SO much in a hurry, and impatient. We WANT things and want them Now ~chuckle~ I have learned to be VERY Careful what I wish for!!
So a couple of suggestions
Begin a Practice of Gratitude! You can google What that is and How to begin. I will not pretend this isn't a tough one to begin or even hang with diligently enough to see and FEEL the changes ...in how we perceive each moment and how our thinking does in fact Change!!! I personally started in bits and fell away from it then started again over and over until it is now an automatic part of my thinking. One thing I can personally attest to from my own experience is it helped me to be more mindful and present and I have definitely discovered JOY!!! in everything where before I was consumed with reactions(emotions) and judgments. WOW life altering!!
AND~ to find Your way to be more Open (there are as many "ways" as there are differences in each of us, find what resonates/works for you)... to
YOU, to Listening and Learning from that "still small voice withIN" .
Keep On Keepin' ON!!
YOU Will "get there"
"It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you have"
Blessings