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Originally Posted by ChildOfSummer
Hello beautiful people. Thankyou for clicking on and reading this post.
I don't know where to turn or what to do anymore. I'm 28 years old, and 4 years ago I became ill with my second "chronic illness" of my 20s. The first started a year earlier. (1st: stomach ulcers from h pylori, 2nd: labelled as chronic adrenal fatigue - a host of bizarre symptoms from awful blood sugar levels to extreme fatigue, weight gain, hair loss, accelerated aging, sleep problems, muscle weakness, joint pain, weak immune system and more)
I have considered suicide so many times. I have always been "spiritual", but I have little faith anymore. I don't see how my karma was to sit and rot away in a house all through my youth. I'm watching life pass me by. Yes, people are dying or have worse diseases or die as babies, but I can't call this living, and I just don't understand why this has happened to me. I have always been such a vivacious soul, and all I ever wanted to do was see the world. I want to devote my life entirely to helping people. I want to make a positive difference. Meanwhile, my peers can drink and drug their way through their 20s with not a care in the world, getting good jobs, moving out on their own (I'm forced to live with my parent and can't work a real job)... and they don't even want to help others. Yet they live on, healthy and happy. I don't see how this is living out my highest purpose. I am no good to the world sitting in a house feeling awful all the time, so I really can't see how this is leading me to the path I KNOW I was born for. I really feel like some wires got crossed in the cosmic realm n I was forced into a life that just wasn't meant for me.
Forgive me, I'm emotional, I'm crying as I type this. I NEED to get better. I cannot be one of those people who never does. I would honestly rather die, and I'll probably make sure that happens if I don't. But I desperately, deeply, painfully, want to live. I want to live my dreams and what I feel I was truly put here to do.
I've tried many approaches to healing and I'm slowly giving up hope. I want to be one of those people who has so much faith that they can meditate their illness away, or have some near death divine intervention, but I just continue to slowly fade away, losing hope, losing faith, dreams and friends, bit by bit.
Please help me, if you know of any way I might ever be able to walk away from this darkness. I'm open to anything, I need some light. Anything. This is my plea to the universe. Please someone, tell me what I can do to thrive again...
Ps. I know I sound dark, but in my truest essence I'm a very light, loving girl. I was just dealt a card I don't want anymore.
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Welcome to the forums, my dear one and know that you are loved.
This whole thing could be my own autobiography and it has been only recently that I have decided to become more pro-active in my own health and recovery.
Fibromyalgia, M.E, PTSD, Autism and going through what seems to be an endless "Dark Night Of The Soul" in trying to gain acceptance, understanding and yet, living with all this, took me off to see my Neurologist.
Turns out, I have a major clinical depression which is overriding and overruling all attempts to progress spiritually and I have been placed on 'better meds' and so, I feel that a visit to a health care practitioner is
essential just to get the ball rolling.
Gentle exercise like low impact yoga is great...and trust me, I
know how difficult that is, when even the simple act of having a shower wipes you out for the rest of the day, but fear not! I came across a very beautiful soul on Youtube about a month ago, who is also going through this:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC4...Cng8tvw/videos
As for Adrenal Fatigue...yup, I have that too and here is some advice from Dr. Axe that is helping me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPMbHaTwzmk
I have also recently been taking Rhodiola, Ashwaghanda, Korean Ginseng, Licorice Root and Reishi mushrooms and notice a slight improvement
when I am regular in taking them...but I haven't been lately (due to the depression) and need to get into a routine.
Also, if you have a peptic ulcer (I have a duodenal hernia), alkalising your system is great, with some apple cider vinegar and/or alkaline water. I discovered this water in my supermarket two days ago called "Alka-Power" (Ionic Alkaline Water) and I have noticed that I can drink more of that than regular spring water...and keeping well hydrated is
essential.
It is important that you are also not too hard and critical with yourself based upon your illnesses or what others say. I'd love to have a penny for every time I hear "you're making this all up" or "you are only seeking attention" from those who do
not understand what is going on and so now, I have a 'medical certificate' from my neurologist I like to flash around; asking others for
their credentials in respect to it and it quickly shuts them up.
Also, grounding is very important. I prefer the term 'distraction' over 'grounding' as it describes it better for me. Have an Epsom Salts bath, go for a barefoot walk in nature and touch the plants and trees, colour in some mandalas, listen to guided meditations...like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiLKbvhxRvw
I still have a long way to go myself...and I realise it is all rather daunting, but just take it in small steps...even if you only do 10-15 minutes a day to start...then after a while, when you get stronger, you can build this up to 45 minutes to an hour.
I wish you all the best and sending Light your way.