|
Originally Posted by RaysOfScarletDreams
It's been four year's since I last saw your face, your smile, the way you laughed when I told you something funny. I think about you everyday, I don't think i'll ever stop thinking about you. You were my angel even if you didn't realize how much strength and courage you gave me and still do.
There are days where I so badly want to be with you, right there standing beside you, as we once where. I will never understand why you took your life, I know the pain must of been unbearable, I wish I could of taken it all away from you. I hated seeing you suffer in agony, feeling so helpless and hopeless as if I couldn't nothing but watch you die a slow death.
On those days I couldn't be with you, I felt so selfish..Knowing that I could go out and have fun, while you were stuck at home ill in bed. For that I am sorry, I am sorry I should of stood by your side, but I didn't. Maybe if I was by your side that night, instead of out with friend's drinking and having fun, I could of saved your life. You still be here, at least that what I keep telling myself over and over again.
I have been through therapy, for my grief, and for my depression, at first it wasn't easy to talk about you...Over time I learned to heal and to let go, I still hold onto the good memories we had. However I somewhat blame myself.
I like to image you dancing among the stars, or coursing on a ship in the sky. Free of pain, free of depression, just simply happy.
Someday I'll join you there, Captain.
|