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I started studying the Spanda Karikas (again) before my attention was grabbed by the Pashupatis and Lingayats and also by the school of Shaiva Siddhanta and all of the Agamas that "Agama Hindu Dharma" was and is still based upon. It was also tiring to speculate as to some finitude of the Infinite - of which this 'finititude' is only a part, but contains the essence OF the "all" - the source of Consciousness rather than the manifestation OF it, the One who holds the Celestial Mirrors up beyond the Right Ascension of the Meridian to gaze at His own 'reflection' in the form of Prakriti or Shakti. I mean I knew and understood this whole 'drill' ever since birth and it was, well, boring me Spritually (even though I also knew and understood this is my 'Path') and it was then, I found out that I was of the "Pashupati School' of Shaivism and NOT the Kaula as I had originally speculated - it's because the Aghori are Tantric Monists (and I could never seem to be able to get my head and heart around THAT one - I mean, is there a 'duality' or isn't there a 'duality' or does both exist simultaneously, just like every grain of sand on all the beaches...every drop of water in the ocean....every star and galaxy in the Universe and every breath and heartbeat which makes me what 'I am' and that is "I totally belong to Shiva, so how could I EVER 'exist/be' as Shiva"?
Within moments of this realisation, I was covered in Vibhoot (sacred ash) facing North-East and chanting the Rudra Gayatri Mantra...and I sorta emptied about 6 packets of ash all over the Shiva Lingam and started with the Shiva Kavacham (Shiva's Holy Armour of 'spiritual protection' before I began the 'ritual'...three lines on the forehead (the 'third eye'), three lines on the throat (representing integrity in communication and honesty in speech), three lines on each upper arm, representing the heart chakra and solar plexus, three lines on the lower abdomen, and that's the seat of Shakti, the 'sacred' and the Soul/fire in Man and then three lines on each upper thigh, and that's to keep us grounded, stable and rational with those aforementioned 'powers of discernment'. I then, took the Rudraksha Mala from around a huge picture of King Basavanna (one of the greatest Shaivite mystic saints "Siddhars" in the Lingayat Tradition) and then naked, before the universal Soul, I started to do 108 rounds of the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra (intersposed with the Panchakshara Mantra and the Shiva Panchakshara Stotram), but, the Rudrashtakam was playing in the background and I ended up chanting that instead...until I woke up the next morning, still naked, laying on my bedroom floor, gazing upwards into the half-closed eyes of this beautiful, angelic vision and I'm like "eh? what happened to Bhairava? - I was kind of enjoying that." The pictures and statues all seemed to 'smile' at that point, and there was no sense of where my body/mind or whatever I conceive as "I" stopped and everything else "began" and then I go "oh great...not THIS ride again?" in true, Adi Shankaracharya style, with a bit of Patanjali's (Vasuki's) philosophy thrown into the mix for good measure...which sorta also defines me as a 'Tantrika'...yeah, a 'dualist Tantrika' who would have even thunk it? (and who even CAN fathom that one out?)
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