[SikuX]

Finally reading the replies here after finding some sort of relief of myself. I apologise.

Not good. I went on a family road trip and I got relief until I slept. It upset-ted them that I wasn't home so they double downed at the night attacks. The more I figure out how to distant myself from them, the more angrier they get in retaliation as to prove a point. Controlling. Unfortunately, I'm very much still suicidal and fighting the thoughts every day as I see my family being affected by it and the idea of me dying a crazy person is becoming more of a reality. I refuse to become what I hate over this harassment.

I feel like a robot currently and that's the only way I can cope for the time being. I'm attempting to try Lady May's advice of mental health supplements and see where it leads me. My mind and mood is very much overwhelmed and manipulated now beyond measure.

There is no comparison to what has been said here and my hope is dwindling. All of these problems are on my twin flame's end which she wishes to embrace, not address. That is my conclusion. As even healers and people here have scanned me and concluded that it's not my aura with these afflictions. It also greatly explains why every thing I do is only temporary relief.

What does one do when the very thing that causes them their problems is half of themselves? That is my dilemma.

She refuses to seek metaphysical help and purposely blocks me and tortures me in the meta ironically instead of facing her traumatic past and her own demons. I faced mine already, she expects me to fight off hers for her after she saw that I did, as the gender role entails. I can't with my own third eye and arms being tied behind my back. She enjoys the conflict and drama due to her childhood trauma and it's twisted idea of what true love is. I can sense her being happy when I put them in their place and once she gets bored she sends them back with more weapons. Metaphorically speaking. Her idea of love is heart-breakingly confused with obsession. I do not settle, I know what true love is!

Oh and, again, I'd like to point out in self-defense - It's always agony, not anger that I convey. There is a difference. You'd honestly think an enlightened people/healers would be least judgemental or resentful towards statements. Or perhaps, I'm equally reading it wrongly. Either way, the same keeps being said to me over and over again and I keep saying otherwise. Negativity hypocrisy comes to mind. Especially such words being conveyed by someone who is expressing that their emotions are not their own is being nitpicked. Perhaps there's cynicism? Again, another form of hypocritical negativity. I can't wrap my head around why I have to constantly repeat myself with this (in my opinion) very sound logic in this thread. I am of sound mind, and positivity. I lash out for help, agony, or self defense. Nothing more. I am targeted because of it. I'm in a glass cage where I can see, feel and stay hopeful but I still helplessly watch as something pulls strings inside me and can't let me make a single movement or decision unless they approve. I have no fear of them, they have fears. They let up whenever they are afraid of something but it's only brief. Which again, makes me more convinced it's my twin flame or an astral being that has paired itself to me that has all these problems that it expects me to fix. They even called me a Witcher in the past, I should've heeded to that. They make me forgetful of details such as that. /endvent

Thanks for everything, everyone. I hate to put a damper or sound melodramatic but I'm hoping these mind herbs help alleviate what feels like, not having my own mind or personality anymore. I'll do my very best to keep you all posted, I'm not intentionally trying to worry anyone here. I'm sorry.