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Originally Posted by OEN34
You're very defensive, and I know you're delicate at the moment, but my comments aren't intended to rustle your feathers otherwise I wouldn't reply.
No, don't ignore your feelings. I said this in my last reply. It's the worst thing a person can do, it serves no purpose, only adds to dismay.
Hope/expectation - doesn't matter, still equally disruptive in the circumstance. It's a very slippery slope resting hope on something as we then depend on an outcome, which is an expectation. We really use the word 'hope' so nonchalantly in life, and we don't ever stop to reason the emotional impact it can have, and I'm not referring to hope in a way that someone wants their sports team to win the next game.
Everything you replied with was followed with an excuse. If you say what I said to people all the time then start doing it. Nobody is saying block out feelings, nobody is saying don't feel sad - allow these things, but don't let them be a part of your identity. There has to be a cut off point somewhere.
Well, if you decide to stay in touch with him and you know it is causing an impact on you emotionally that he's with another girl, then that is your choice, but know that this approach will bring some discomfort, which is actually a good thing. You just don't want to be complaining about it. Stay in touch and learn to feel the discomfort with him and don't complain, or have some alone time for a bit, get the focus on healing yourself with a view to speaking to him in the not too distant future.
You can't have it both ways.
Best of luck to you  |
I didn't intend to come across as defensive, but I suppose I was feeling frustrated. All of this had literally JUST happened when I posted the first time, and I really needed to just let myself be miserable and pathetic and unskillful for a couple days so being faced with having to do the reasonable, logical, skillful thing so soon made me defensive, I suppose.
I bathed myself last night which is a step in the right direction, haha, and today I intend on getting dressed and going outside and following through on my commitment to a volunteering shift.
cutting him off would greatly affect my relationship with his son, and that would be FAR more heartbreaking than the discomfort I feel about seeing him with another girl again. and as you say, living with that could be a good thing, so there you go.
I really do appreciate your posts, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was pooping on all your advice :)