[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

I am posting this under spiritualism as this topic doesn't really fit under anything else. I wonder if anyone else is experiencing similar.

I wonder whether there might be some kind of a curse going on, but whatever it is, there is something serious going on.

I know a lot of people think they are cursed because things are not going their way, they can't get the job they want, or they can't find love. But occasionally one comes across stories from people where it's obvious there is something really serious wrong. So before anyone thinks I'm just another silly woman who just can't find a boyfriend, please read this first.

Bad luck doesn't even begin to describe what I have experienced all my life. Bad luck is in fact the least of my worries. But my experiences have been such extremes that the few people who have heard my story have either point blank refused to believe that I could have survived all that, or they thought I was fantasizing. Nobody is prepared to believe that all this could have happened to one person.

I am in my forties and my entire life I have suffered extreme abuse. By that I mean abuse of the extreme kind, I won't go into detail here as this is a family friendly forum - which I am very glad about. I also don't want to shock anyone or bring back bad memories for other abuse survivors. So let's just say, the very worst of the very worst that you have ever heard about in the media, I have experienced it. And it is ongoing. And getting worse.

Wherever I go, people hate me on sight and abuse me. I only need to walk down the road and I get attacked, stared at, talked about, followed. This has been repeatedly confirmed to me by others, including my neighbors, so this is not just my imagination. My car gets vandalized regularly. Again this can't be my imagination as each time this happens I have to have the damage repaired by mechanics. I get eggs and disgusting liquids thrown at me, I get abuse screamed at me, I get threatened, threatening messages get left on my car. Whilst this is all nothing compared to the extreme abuse I have otherwise suffered, it is nevertheless concerning as to why everywhere I go, people react in this way. And many of them go on to abuse me in more serious ways.

I am unable to find friends despite being outgoing, friendly, and always smiling at people. I have never had a relationship so have nobody to protect me. This is not by choice by the way, but nobody has ever been interested in me, despite me being attractive and intelligent. I know I said I'm not just another silly girl who can't find a boyfriend, but this is just one of the many bizarre things that are going on, and I want to explain why I have nobody. In fact nobody wants anything to do with me.

I am unable to find a job despite being well educated and highly intelligent. Sorry, don't want to show off, just citing facts. I have had all my possessions stolen numerous times as well as my inheritance and my life savings so I have ended up in bitter poverty and with nothing - despite being from a wealthy family.

Nobody has ever believed me - on the contrary, everywhere I encounter accusations upon accusations upon accusations. I have been falsely accused of all the - serious - crimes that in reality had been committed against me, law enforcement and all organizations for victims of crime refuse to support me.

I am so terrified by now that I barely leave the house, only when I absolutely have to, but even then all it takes is one phone call to someone and I get falsely accused of all sorts of things. I have no way of proving that these allegations are false as I never have any witnesses of course. By now I am so terrified of more false allegations, and the subsequent legal consequences, that I keep away from people and avoid all contact with people as much as possible.

Law enforcement have gone to such extremes as to falsely portray me as some hardcore criminal who is a danger to society. In reality I am a tiny, underweight girl, absolutely terrified, too terrified to even look at anyone, and so underweight that I cannot stand up for long without collapsing. Because law enforcement insist that I am this dangerous criminal, I am unable to report any of the - almost daily - attacks on me.

By now anyone reading this probably thinks I am some depressed failure who doesn't look after herself, spends her time sitting around doing nothing, is overweight and of low intelligence and can't cope with life. Nothing however could be further from the truth.

I have never suffered with depression, I have never had dark thoughts, I have a busy life, I take good care of myself and I want nothing more than a normal life. But this is impossible as all it takes is me stepping outside my front door and I get attacked again. And I mean this literally.

For this to happen a few times might be passed off as coincidence. For this to happen for over 40 years is clearly something else. And yes this has happened ever since my earliest childhood. I remember as a tiny toddler happily going up to mothers with babies - because I loved babies - and wanting to have a look at the babies, only for the mothers to scream hysterically "get her away from me, she is evil". Who does this to a tiny toddler of 2 or 3??? And this happened all the time - not just once or twice! I had by the way nobody to defend me - as I said, I've suffered extreme abuse all my life.

By now my body is starting to give up from the constant abuse and the constant having to live in fear.

I don't know whether this is a curse or what - I always thought only a justified curse would take effect. Apparently this is not the case.

I have tried asking various church ministers for help (I am not Christian but I asked for spiritual help), but each of them reacted in the way as described above - disbelief and accusations of me just imagining everything.

There has never been a time when I did not have to suffer extreme abuse, or when even just one person would have accepted me as a human being (except my late grandmother and my late cat - both did not survive the attacks that were directed at me). There has never been a time when I could just have had a normal life, or been able to leave the house without fear of getting attacked.

I have worked extremely hard all my life, more often than not to the point of collapse, but I have nothing to show for it as everything has repeatedly been stolen from me. Others have taken credit for my ideas and my work. And because I have nothing to show for my hard work, I suffer constant accusations of being "lazy and of low intelligence".

I am a very positive person despite all this so it's not a case of me thinking negatively and therefore attracting bad things to happen. After over 40 years of this I am however by now terrified of people. But I have retained my positivity.

I don't know what is going on here but if a solution, and an explanation, is not found soon then I don't know how much longer I can survive like this.

I would love to hear from anyone going through similar. Has anyone ever been through something like this and found a solution, or an explanation for these happenings? There can't be a "rational" explanation for this any more, not after this length of time, so there must be more to it. I have by the way lived in several different countries but everywhere it has been the same, so it's not a case of just the same people doing the same things repeatedly to me because they just don't like me.

There must be a spiritual reason for all this - but I don't know what this is, or what I am supposed to do about it.

That reminds me though - two years ago I once did a curse reversal ceremony. Maybe that wasn't the best idea but I was desperate. Immediately after this ceremony, the difference was amazing - all of a sudden I had a normal life, I was not being attacked, everywhere I went people treated me with normal respect and as a human being. I had a normal life - for the first time ever! The difference was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately this effect lasted only for two weeks, and then it gradually wore off and things became the same as before. That shows that there is something spiritual going on! But I can't keep doing such ceremonies just to live a normal life - it was a very complicated ceremony that involved things I had to order from abroad, going to certain places etc - I can't keep doing this just to have a normal life!

Human beings are like animals in many ways. One could even say that humans are animals with the ability to rise above their animal nature. However its clear that the majority of society does not. Maybe 30-40% or something but most do not.

If an animal senses fear in you, they will become aggressive. If they sense weakness in you, they will pressure you. Humans are like this too. When a person who is not aligned with their highest self senses weakness in another, they leap on that person. It could be verbal, it could be mental (thinking dark thoughts about the other person, it could be emotional, it could be physical, spiritual, etc. it can manifest in multiple ways.

I think people are attacking you for two reasons. One is a bunch of them see the weakness in you and they are instinctually inclined to attack you. Sometimes people just have a dark side like that. The other is your beauty. When a person sees theirself as ugly, and they want to be beautiful, well when they look at someone who they think is beautiful they become very angry, jealous, envious, and many other things.

When you have things other people want, it makes you a target. When you are targeted enough, it becomes a trauma. When you are traumatized, people want to pounce on you (because they sense weakness). It seems to be that you had the misfortune of being very fortunate. It's not something many people think about or recognize but it's as much a challenge in life as being obease, disfigured, of low intelligence, etc.

Also I think you should reconsider if you have ever had depression before. Depression isn't always sadness, although it is many times. For a personal example, I haven't felt a depression with sadness for a very long time. Maybe even years. But I face depression all the time. It feels like a lack of motivation, a lack of purpose, a lack of joy and happiness (real inherent happiness, not forced positivity), and like I don't want to be social at all. I don't feel bad per say, but i don't feel great either. I feel sluggish, like I just want to get what has to be done done and then go escape to drugs, media, meditation, or some other form of inner retreat.

Another thing, you should consider just being miserable. It takes a great amount of effort to attempt to be positive when there is nothing to be positive about. It's better to be real, to reflect what you feel on the inside on the outside, than to act or play as if everything is OK.

It sounds backwards, but reveling in my own misery has always been beneficial (and difficult!) for me. It's in those weeks and months of misery that I make great changes in my life, begin to do new practices, develop new ways of thinking about the world and my own situation.

When I was constantly trying to be happy, although feeling very bad inside, I was never really helping myself. I was just delaying the inevitable breakdown. When I finally broke down I experienced a great sense of euphoria. I was finally unburdened and able to live freely.

In other words, there is a time and place for everything including emotions and feelings. It's not natural to feel good and OK all the time. It's OK to feel bad, miserable, and completely depressed, anxious, and full of fear. Those states can be just as spiritually and physically beneficial as euphoric or bliss states.

Judge a state based on how it changes your life, not how you feel about it.

When I was totally euphoric and blissful, I was a lazy mess! I didn't do anything to further my life or my purpose, I just sat around enjoying it all the time! When I'm miserable and depressed, I can be lazy but it doesn't last long. As long as I let the suffering in and don't escape from it, eventually it pushes me to better my life, change my life, and consequently causaes me to enjoy my own life more (because the depression and anxiety fades).

Suffering from extreme abuse for all of your life leaves scars on every level of your being. mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. It takes a lot of time, effort, and good practices to reverse the damage. I suggest you listen to your higher self and seek to heal your wounds. In time things will be better, you already have all the motivation you need, you just need a goal and a plan to get there!

(I'm talking from exerience here. I was brutally traumatized at 5 and have faced multiple severe traumas every year since then. Even now when I am in decent health, I can always count on a few massive disasters each year. It's like clockwork. I'm so full of trauma at this point that to go out into society is a trauma for me. My identity itself is traumatized. I look at other people and see my reflection in them and I hate what I see. I hate that i hate myself but it's just something I have learned to accept and deal with.

I have only been trying to heal myself for 3 months now but I have begun to feel amazing changes. And I'm not even trying very hard either, I eat kind of well but also eat a lot of junk food. i dont exercise. I don't meditate much, etc. there are tons of things I could be doing to speed up the healing process but I just dont. I'm not that moviated yet. But maybe you are.

I just read this page recently but I found it very informative. Perhaps it was meant for you
https://www.drlwilson.com/articles/TRAUMA%20RELEASE.htm )


also, I'm sure there is a rational reason. It would take a lot of explaining but I think there is one. What I told you previously is what I think the rational reason is. Trauma of various sorts has left a physical imprint on you. This physical imprint carries into your mind and how you perceive the world. Too much pain and trauma has left its mark on you, forcing you to restrict many aspects of yourself so that you can continue to live as you did before the trauma. But as you now know, you are becoming so constricted from the traumas that you dont even have any room left to breathe. It takes all of your energy just to get simple things done. This is a result of a life of trauma. A few years of healing ought to do the trick for you. Dedicate yourself to healing your body on every level and you will make so much progress within 3 months that you will be looking forward to the next few years as the most exciting and liberating of your life so far.

I don't think you are cursed. I have thought i was cursed so many times before. Sometimes though God will talk to me and let me know that although times are difficult now, there is a greater purpose to my life. One that I cannot see yet, but God can, and I should have faith in Gods plan. I should align with God and seek to be Gods servant.

God has also let me know that the life I am living now is the consequence of my choices in past lives. I was a very mischevous trickster in one of my recent past lives (I was actually a magician, and I dont mean the theatre kind, I mean the crystal ball and spells kind), I sought to help people but I did not do a very good job at it. I played games, thinking that I would only help a few people who were worthy, but instead I caused a great deal of people pain and confusion. Now in this life I must deal with the consequences of that. I face great pain and confusion every day. I also am unable to practice magic, but I think that is more of a personal choice of mine this time around, not so much being banned from magic by God.

I sense that I have more work to do before I pay my dues, more work on improving myself and more work in the service of others. More suffering to endure too. It's OK though. I know there is balance in all things. The hell I am in now is because I was in heaven before, and I will be in heaven again once I finish enduring this hell. I hope you can see the rationality in that. It's an understanding I have because of observing the world with clarity, it's not a feeling I have or a desire I wish were true. if you look for long enough and with enough clarity you will see it too. I hope you choose to and I hope you feel relief when you realize it.

Best of luck,

Corey