[SaturninePluto]

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

Despite meditating, decreeing, praying and practicing in other ways spiritually, I am still struggling with fear. If I try to ignore fearful, worrisome thoughts and go on about my day by distracting myself with more pleasant things, fear often shows up in my dreams via horrible nightmares (in which some of my worst fears are realized leading me to wake up frantic and/or depressed).

At this point, I am not sure how to handle it. Am I merely squelching my fears rather than dealing with them so that they then manifest in my dreams? Fear has been my nemesis since I was three or four years-old.

I have been trying to practice sublimation as much as I can by working on my writing, learning to play the guitar, reading, cooking/baking and spending time with my son, etc.

Still, I can get on the ol' fear train (woo-woo!) and once I am on it, it becomes next to impossible to disembark sometimes. I have a mind that can fixate on things for hours (about two decades ago, I suffered from severe OCD). Unfortunately, I was 'conditioned' to worry, to often think 'what if.' Now and then, I can get bad headaches when a bout of fear is especially strong. Sometimes, I even feel sick from fear and throw up. I don't so much suffer from 'fight of flight syndrome.' No, instead, I 'freeze up.' I do nothing but stay still and watch as my mind spins a web which I then get caught up in. I am tired of living this way and feel drained and powerless a lot of the time.

I have tried therapy on and off over the years, but it seldom works for me as to fear. I know that If I did not practice spiritually, my situation would be even worse. Some days, I seem able to glide on by my doubts and fears with little anxiety. I wish I could say those days were the majority, but they are not.

I used to 'in the divine flow' and it was wonderful. I miss it. Somehow, at the time I was able to let go of much of - though not all of - my fear. Of course, I cannot be 'in the flow' like this and that troubles me.

If anyone could offer some advice or support in this regard, I'd be much obliged. Thanks.

Another member has asked what these or this fears are or is, how often it occurs. I am inclined to ask the same thing?

Perhaps writing down first what is making you fearful, being honest with yourself, asking yourself first what these fears are or what exactly it is you feel you have to be fearful of, may help focus you to go deeper into the heart of the matter and to truly shed light onto what exactly it is you are fearing in the darkness.

You mentioned OCD. Let me attempt to give you an example of my own old fears to attempt to be of help.

My brother goes out for a night with a friend, he is out later and later into the am hours. I can not sleep as I am too focused on- He isn't back by now, is he okay? I tell myself it is fine, he is probably relaxing enjoying his time with his friends, relax- I try to get to bed and lay in the bed thinking- thoughts are now racing for an hour more and a half.

What am I worrying about in this scenario? What is the fear?

Consider I was thinking constantly "Has something happened to him"? "I hope he's alright". "I wish he'd just get home already so I can stop worrying..."

What fears of my own are showing their heads here? Well it is death and it is loss.

I am no counselor so am no medical professional , but I have had a period of time, mostly during the time where I was thinking thoughts like this, that even I was considering perhaps I had OCD. I mentioned these things to my nurse practitioners, yet they did not feel it necessary to diagnose me.

Perhaps identifying truly what it is you are fearing will help you to deal with the fear itself instead of what you think the fear represents.

Say you are worrying your son will have an accident when he is away from you. Write it out and not once but a few times: the statement at first may look like- I am afraid my son may have an accident. Then when it is reflected on with- but truly what is it I am afraid of it may change to- well I am fearful of separation, or I am fearful of loss, or fearful of death.

You may consider being outright honest with what it is you are truly afraid of, your son still has to go out, you can either choose to be where you are at and worry, or get honest with what you fear and identify it. Perhaps the counseling may not have helped because you were focused on the OCD, we here do not know what your therapists have tried to suggest already hon...