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Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar
Despite meditating, decreeing, praying and practicing in other ways spiritually, I am still struggling with fear. If I try to ignore fearful, worrisome thoughts and go on about my day by distracting myself with more pleasant things, fear often shows up in my dreams via horrible nightmares (in which some of my worst fears are realized leading me to wake up frantic and/or depressed).
At this point, I am not sure how to handle it. Am I merely squelching my fears rather than dealing with them so that they then manifest in my dreams? Fear has been my nemesis since I was three or four years-old.
I have been trying to practice sublimation as much as I can by working on my writing, learning to play the guitar, reading, cooking/baking and spending time with my son, etc.
Still, I can get on the ol' fear train (woo-woo!) and once I am on it, it becomes next to impossible to disembark sometimes. I have a mind that can fixate on things for hours (about two decades ago, I suffered from severe OCD). Unfortunately, I was 'conditioned' to worry, to often think 'what if.' Now and then, I can get bad headaches when a bout of fear is especially strong. Sometimes, I even feel sick from fear and throw up. I don't so much suffer from 'fight of flight syndrome.' No, instead, I 'freeze up.' I do nothing but stay still and watch as my mind spins a web which I then get caught up in. I am tired of living this way and feel drained and powerless a lot of the time.
I have tried therapy on and off over the years, but it seldom works for me as to fear. I know that If I did not practice spiritually, my situation would be even worse. Some days, I seem able to glide on by my doubts and fears with little anxiety. I wish I could say those days were the majority, but they are not.
I used to 'in the divine flow' and it was wonderful. I miss it. Somehow, at the time I was able to let go of much of - though not all of - my fear. Of course, I cannot be 'in the flow' like this and that troubles me.
If anyone could offer some advice or support in this regard, I'd be much obliged. Thanks.  |
I sympathize with you. I had to crawl out of this over many many years of difficulty, often alone It takes conscious practice to become more balanced within yourself. For a mind trapped by fear and the fear of fear itself, as I know I was, you literally have to retrain yourself in so many ways of you and also your mind in the moment it takes over in fear.
Change and the unknown can trigger the depth of this stuff, so both of those aspects are worth looking at with regards to your mind and training it. I walked through most of mine and entered the fullness of emotional fallout carried in the depression, fear to feel, fear to look and fear to face it fully. It was the only way for me, trapped and contained. When your consumed by fear, it literally becomes your best friend until you shift it back to trust and love. So it leads you in every area of your life.
Your body will show its readiness to release and let go. And if your not fully engaged to listen and face it, it will keep coming through dreams and other means to show you to face some aspects of this. You cant do it all at once but certainly you can walk more consciously with affirming statements to change the channel when fear and spiral into the mind takes over.
Frozen in fear, is challenging because you literally have no where to go but be present with what is. Those moments are opportunities to breath deep and drop into your belly instead of your head doing cartwheels and spiralling. It is a conscious shift to move deeper and let the breath clear you and move you forward. You will find you wont have to be to involved in what the fear is doing in this way but more focused on your breath and core. That is a shift in the channel in you. Not giving the fear food by not allowing your body to move differently.
THe more you take control of your body mind through these frozen times, the more you will feel safe to move forward and know your overcoming with a tool to manage as well as seeing results. Fear of fear and the unknown needs to feel safe, needs to see results from its own self sourcing inner world and needs supportive understanding people around you who are patient and loving. You have to believe you can do this, believe you have the tools in you to do it, want to be free from this consumed attack from fear.
Remember that all this is not you, but conditioned you by others and the world around you. So your really letting go of what is not you to know how you can be and manage your own life more clear and free from fear.
If it helps you to feel inspired. I moved from living like you for over forty years into a liberated state of being. I choose to not let fear take over any part of my being. I challenge myself now to do things that fear in the past said, I could not do. I do it anyway, if I don't, I know I will live a life dictated by fear and the power it once had over me. I surround myself with supportive people who help me to move forward where I might be triggered by old fears or old comfort zones. I trust them and they support me
I sought out many ways to heal and let go of my fear consuming me in everyway, but in the end I had to walk them through myself. The external support was only supporting me to let the layers over the top of the core fears to be opened. Then I had to do the work myself. Let those deeper fears in my core open and walk through to know I could set myself free.
My core fears were these if it helps you understand something deeper in you in another way or similar.
I feared death, I feared to live fully. I feared suffering and I feared to feel fear fully. Once I walked through these roots lingering in me holding me ransom, I was able to then manage myself more empowered, slow and steady it was but I had "Room" to breathe and be aware I was not those things anymore.