[Kalika]

Originally Posted by RedBasket

I came across the language and thought process of Limerance first, long before hearing about twin flames. I used to see the relationship in that context. The work of Pia Melody and love addiction also resonated, as did attachment theories (avoidant, anxious etc.). I did and still do find it helpful to consider brain development (adverse childhoods and emotional neglect shaped our brains and attachment patterns), somatic experience therapy, and the work of Bessel Vander Kohl, but that only goes so far. At one point I thought of it as an emotional affair and went on those affair forums (miserable, stuck, unreflective, depressed people - don't go there!). I even used to read the boards on narcissism, "narcissitic abuse," borderline personality disorder, even sociopaths (is he one!?? am I one?!! we have that strange intensity of the eye thing and generate instant rapport and mirroring - yikes!).

I prefer the model of twin flame to any of the others because twin flame thinking doesn't pathologize this intense love, and it embraces the transformational element of this painful thing.

Also, I think personal insecurity and self worth issues lend to the LO mindset (it is all in my head ... the feelings couldn't possibly be reciprocated ... I'm just delusional and obsessed). I kept questing the reality of this. I kept trying to keep LOVE out of my analysis. But when the spiritual shift toward myself happened, that enabled me to embrace it all, to embrace all actors in this story and trust we all do have empathy for one another, to have faith and hope in the outcome, and to know that it was a healing journey toward source/God/our soul/our profound connection to all.

Good luck with your own personal process of making sense of it all. It is weird, for sure, but you are not alone.

Thank you RedBasket! I found this interesting and insightful. I like how you said it embraces the transformational element.

For me, it's not about being with this person. It is about the transformation that came about, and I believe, if I mix in the limerent theory, I may have my answer. The TF theory gives me peace of mind that it was 'just because' and the limerent theory explains it in terms of it being an intense obsession where I have issues to address. Either way, my TF, I believe, came to teach and the lesson was to do further healing or self-help.

So in that sense, it doesn't matter what label it wears, as long as I help myself. My TF is long gone, which then makes me question the purpose other than to drop a bombshell and then fly off into the sunset on their own.

I don't know, but glad I am not alone