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Not afraid, but not ready to leave just yet despite feeling despair about this life. When it's my time, it's my time. What led me to my NDE was one of the most painful medical conditions one can have. I suffered excruciating pain that is known in the medical field as pain a kin to end stage cancer pain and did so for 12 hours. That's what scares me. I don't want that to happen again.
However, when I go, I shall go and there is no fear of leaving. I just feel a sense of loss at the thought that I might go too early. I know I am not done here but have no idea whatsoever what it is I need to do here before I am done. I'm leaving it to the light within to show me when the time is right.
I am not opposed to returning, but next time I want love. I need a break. This life has been marred by extreme abuse. Right from the time I was 2. Now it is self abuse and I cannot get out of this cycle.
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