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I am so glad you could find the meaning in your life after dealing with that situation.
In my case it is similar but after almost 35 years I still do not want to live to be honest. It has been too much suffering and when I was born I also came in by the means of C Section. My father did not want me at all and my mother struggled too much. I could not connect to her either but I acknowledge even though part of her was mean sometimes another part of her did her best and still does.
I was told by an astrologer that my soul knew that I would struggle too much in this lifetime but that I chose to be here to undo a lot of very bad karma from past lives and that I would have to endure the suffering to give closure.
My life is better in many ways compared to how it was not too long ago, but the feelings are persistent. I am aware that I am going deeper and deeper into the layers of trauma so I hope to find at some point the feeling of wanting to be here.
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