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When I got to the other side, of course I had my life review. I was so very disappointed in myself. No one judged me, I did that all by myself. I had stayed in that lifetime, had set up for my lessons and I had ended my life early. A total waste. There is no judgement for suicide. But I just felt the waste of everything I had been through as a young girl and I ended it prematurely. I knew I would have to start all over again next time. The frustration and disappointment in myself was monumental.
I said I needed time to think.
Two guides took me to what I called the Gray Planet, far away. Sky was gray, flat, no mountains, no plants, gray everywhere you looked. The planet was inhabited with a group of people. All wore gray robes, sandals and all they did was murmur amongst themselves. I have theories about why they were there but I digress.
On the planet was a large transparent bubble. Inside was a paradise. Green trees, blue sky, a cottage, all the makings of a retreat of kinds. My guides directed me to go into the bubble. Once inside I could not get out. There was a horse by the cottage and we became great friends. I would ride for miles into valleys, and meadows, next to streams. It was kind of like the Star Trek hologram.
The murmurers came at times and would murmur amongst themselves as they watched me. When I got tired of them I would go into the cottage for privacy.
While there I thought. I had had so many failures in previous lives. It seemed I had found ways to circumvent my lessons that I reincarnated into to learn. For many lifetimes. So I was there to think of a solution on how I could successfully make it through my lessons rather than to avoid them. I was there for a very long time. Of course on the other side there is no time per se, but still, I was in the bubble for many earth years.
I finally came up with a solution. I would fill my next incarnation with so much strife and pain that I could not avoid my lessons. And so I did. I remember the reincarnation "council" was adamant that it was to much. And it was. I can tell you that now. But I said that was my choice, and so they allowed me to be born into the family that would teach me my life lessons.
Honestly, I barely made it out alive. Healing took many decades. But I did heal. I do not say I am a survivor. I cannot blame my family for lessons I chose them to teach me. I came, learned my lessons and when it's my time to go home this time, it will be because this old body of mine just gives out.
These last few years have been very painful, bodily mostly. More and more has been taken away from me. But I'm still breathing, and as long as I am breathing then I still have lessons to learn.
Let me know if this is detailed enough. If not ask questions. I am always willing to tell of my experience.
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