I don't want to preach all my crazy stuff so I just want you to trust me when I say nothing is gone - at all, just the way in which he communicated with you. The essense and being remain, in a state of what we could only describe as bliss and perfection - and you'll be there too. Whatever there is after death, you know you're going to the same place. So for now live life in his memory, look at how beautiful life actually is, it's just a short experience we get - a few fractions of all the time in existence. You'll be spending most of that in a realm of non-detatchment with him.

So smile at life, because death is what makes life so valuable. We only get it for a moment - and your son would hate to think that what he had to do is making you live in a unhappy and unhealthy way.

Tribute him with your smile, forgive yourself with rest. Just enjoy the next few minutes with him in mind and lets make it positive.

Memories are going to hurt you, until you learn that memories are him, his effect in you and you get to keep it until you become one again.

I know it's impossible, but try and practice and you can master your feelings.

Some ideas that might help you: join a forum for people who've lost children, connect and meet with other parents because communities based around tragedy are extremely supportive and valuable. There will be someone who'll be going through the same as you and be able to relate.

Take it as an affirmation, life is precious. It ends whenever and so fill it with smiles, freedom, clarity - my advice is buddhist meditation on the heart sutra and talking to others in similar situations.