[Sapphirez]

hi again. I'm sorry that I took so long. I get overwhelmed by simple tasks too often and it wasn't much and I read and write all the time but it seemed like a feat to read all that lol and reply.. but of course it was a great post, really fascinating.
well, those examples are about burns, I'm afraid it's not exactly the same with severed limbs?

the bummer is that I guess my dad already had more cut off.. We talked around Christmas or actually it was probably closer to New Year's, and he had hung up on me, well he told me he was going to hang up.. cuz I was telling him how there is hope and he's not doomed, etc.. and I guess I couldn't really convey everything I know or believe or really think or suggest, so Idno maybe just sounded like pipe dreams to him.. but I just knew that there was an alternative yknow?
but so then I put off calling him again.. and he rarely ever calls me..
I got the comfrey root tho, I actually got an extract and it's the Dr. Christopher brand coincidentally enough! but I don't have the leaf or root form or whatever and won't be any time soon...
so I don't know, for myself anyways I just put some of the extract into some olive oil in a bottle and I use it as a moisturizer/lotion...
I was planning I guess to visit my dad later this month, cuz his birthday is on the 21st.. I know it's not really that difficult, but I take the bus and don't drive, so it isn't like I can just drive over to my dad's house at any time.. I have to take 2 buses to get there. but still it's only an hour or so to get there by buses, so it's not really an excuse.... but a little better than if it were easily convenient.. well anyways, this might be tmi, but I'm gonna write it anyway.. so unfortunately I overheard my mom (I live with her but we're not on speaking terms and haven't been for some time) talking on the phone to a friend and she was talking about my dad being in the hospital. and it wasn't clear whether he is there still yet from having more cut off from his legs, or really how much more he had cut off, or if he was there mostly for another reason.. when I heard them talking about him having done the stinking surgery, I heard that he was a wreck because his (on again off again for lots of years) girlfriend was found dead.. she was an alcoholic so I guess that lifestyle ended up taking her life a few days ago. I think she was sort of a vodka for breakfast sort of alcoholic.. of course it varied through the years how severe her drinking was if she wasn't sober, I don't know.. they didn't have an ideal relationship, but there aren't many people in my dad's life.. so I can't imagine how traumatic this is for him.. I haven't even called him... I think he's still in the hospital. I don't really know what to say. I feel bad because I can't access what that pain feels like and can't really say much about it.... tho I can cry for him, and for her.. and the tragedy of it all.. I always want to have a solution tho, words of wisdom, etc.. and if I call him, on the phone, if you're just supposed to "be there" for a person whose gone through this, how do you "be there" in a phone conversation, on the phone you need to say words.. anyways, he didn't call me, for any of these reasons, not when he went to get his surgery and not when his girlfriend (ex or not, I'm not sure if they were together at the time) died.. at first I heard that she killed herself, but I guess only in the sense that she drank and perhaps starved herself to death I guess..
so I don't know... he's always been an alcoholic as well, for as long as I can remember.. tho he drank beer.. but I was sort of glad he was so miserable in the last half a year or so because he wasn't really drinking anymore cuz he mostly just stayed in bed and napped and watched tv n smoked so he could take stupid pain pills.... it was nice that he for once was able to not be a slave to beer anymore.. but anyways, I bring that up because one of the last times I was there (the other last time whichever it was he didn't drink but I drank some of his beers, cuz I have a bad anxiety problem so it's extra hard for me to be with him, or anyone, and alcohol helps tho largely I've abstained from a partying lifestyle now) we drank together... and well, he is a Pisces Sun and I have a Pisces ascendant, and I know that Pisces likes to escape like that... I think my dad has a heavy Capricorn and Aries influence tho, he always seemed like more authoritarian... anyway, not sure if you know about Astrology or are even listening to my story lol.. but I saw you have Aquarius listed as your sign on your profile... I thought my dad was Aquarius for the longest time, cuz my mom born on the 1st of February was and I didn't know Astrology that well to realize that the cut-off date for Aquarius is the 20th..
well anyways, I don't know when he will start drinking again, if he does, if he's not out of the hospital already, but I think I will try to visit him for his birthday.. it's pretty uncomfortable.. I don't know what it will be like or what we'll do, or if we'll drink or how we'll feel.. I do like my dad tho.. and love of course.. it was rather bittersweet the recent times I was there.. reminiscing slightly tho we don't have many memories together really, and well we were talking about bad stuff mostly.. like past family stuff.. but also about hope for him and stuff like that, and Idno life in general maybe.. We listened to music, from his generation, stuff I grew up on and grew to love, classic rock is my favorite kind of music if I had to pick one genre.. so it was kind of strange, our hanging out one of those last times.. something about it was cool n oddly comforting, but probably disturbing at the same time.. well lol guess that's enough of that.. so, part of the reason I stayed away from here was probably because I was afraid my dad wouldn't really do what I wanted him to anyway, that either it would go off sloppily, or ineffectively entirely, (I mean as in him not obliging me) or perhaps whatever not working enough.. or also it being too late.. tho that's not really something in my vernacular, but his, and it's his body so yeah.. and then he had told me he did all this stuff that I suggested for him before, said he did it for two months.. I find that sooo unlikely tho.. for a man who dilutes his Sunny-D with bathroom tap water as his water source, and lives on coca-cola and the microwave at least half the time, etc.. and doesn't even care to open the window to air out his smoky little room!? nah... it's highly unlikely he put forth a reasonable effort toward whatever my list consisted of which I forgot now.. that he said he did any of it tho was a pleasant surprise to me.. but I had to wonder what he really actually did and how.. *sigh* anyways... so now it's too late, he got more cut off.. and I heard him say it may very well prevent him from having prosthetic leg usage... tho of course he had 2 already but wouldn't be able to use those ones then, if he were actually able to use any ever again anyway... such a shame.. and I know I'm not exactly to blame, but I feel it still just the same.. and I feel I could have helped his gf too.. tho I didn't see her much, if I had.. perhaps.. well, now, hopefully I go visit him in 2 weeks.. er.. less than 2 weeks.. and he will still need help healing his wounds.. another big thing tho is that I'm afraid, to administer it myself.. it feels wrong in a way.. I know that we've been conditioned to think that we shouldn't do medical things ourselves.. and that it isn't simply true.. but you know that stigma is there.. and this is such a serious problem.. how can I possibly remove bandages of stumps that half legs were cut off and apply a paste or ointment or whatever that I make with eye droppers full of herb extract I got from online and I don't know whatever vehicle to put it in... on these remnants of leg attachments?? but how can I let the same thing happen again and just let him rot away without doing anything? I'll need to bring him some probiotics too as they probably gave him lots of antibiotics.. *shudder* I gave him some before and he reported to have taken them pretty responsibly or at least sporadically.. they're probably no good any more if he still has some left tho.. I guess I'm writing it here as a reminder for myself so I don't forget. I should bring him some crystal/stone(s) too..
all right I guess that is it lol... not sure if anyone is reading this so I'll just end with a ♥ ♥