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Originally Posted by kreidebrei
Sounds toxic to me. There is one thing for sure in relationships (I know that from experience!) you cannot change your partner you can only change yourself. And your partner won't change - forget it, sometimes they do but not because your want him to change. Ask yourself: how is your love life? My guess is that it is not all that great and with time it will NOT improve. What I did in the past: I set myself an ultimatum (never talk about this!!!) but talk about what you don't like clearly, without nagging. Change your side of the things, ask CLEARLY what you want. If you see an improvement when the ultimatium is reached have a think weather or not you will continue. If you don't see any CLEAR change run as fast as you can. Never say: if this and that does not happen until though!!! But say: I would like that you....or could you....
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What I'm realizing is that I'm partially responsible for the lack of communication. I've heard it said that men are often like employees, in that they will get away with whatever you let them get away with. I've noticed that the times I have spoken up about what bothers me, he has gotten better. Many of the things he continues to be lacking in are things I have been too afraid to voice my opinion on. I don't see our relationship as being toxic, but I do notice that he has a tendency to be lazy with things. It's up to me to communicate that this bothers me before I can judge him for not reading my mind. So, yes, I need to learn to be CLEAR without FEAR!
