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Dear Des39
What I feel from your post is that you are facing an atonement due to your reaction and not acceptance of the situation.
In general this means when a person did something very wrong and in order to repair it was forced to an situation that doesnot suit and causes a revolt.
Sorry to say but it seams that is your case, maybe I wrong but this was the first intuition i had about.
In your reincarnatory plan the best body for you to face your atonement is the one you live now! All the details are the optimal to help you learn the lesson you need in this life!
This situation is transitory (as long as you live this life) but in front of your immortal soul this is nothing!!! You can concentrate your efforts to build a beatiful and fruitfull life! You can develop your moral and knowledge, studying and doing good things to others! Do charity, be a volunteer in a charitable institution, help poor people, do some good and this good will revert to you!
In terms of study you can study all the books from Allan Kardec, you can freely download in the internet pdf files. I suggest to start by Gospel!
Good study!
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