Hi

I have been suffering from a debilitating illness for a while but that has "worsened" in the last few months. It started as a 2 discs herniation in the lumbar area about 10 years ago and this has evolved into disc degeneration, at my relatively young age at 48 yo, with a really BAD pain almost all the time. Apparently this situation has also affected the cervicar area and now I also have a frequent pain in the cervical area. So, all in all, my spine is messed up

I have been taking medications for the pain (meloxicam); and this has basically been able to keep the pain under control so that I could have a normal life including the practice of my sports. About 3 months ago, I decided to stop the meloxicam because my yearly kidneys exam came back at 72%, and coming from some gens (on father side) with renal problems, I do not think that it makes much sense to keep taking the meloxicam to control the pain and at the same time, see my kidneys function degrade. That's why I use the quotes, because the pain has worsened due to my conscious decision to stop the meloxicam but at the same time I debate with myself and still find that this decision makes sense since renal damage is a 1-way road.

As of now pain is my constant companion and I do not know what to do. My loved sports (road and mtb cycling, jogging, hiking, etc) are out of the question for the time being, which is making me depressed and negative; I am constantly having negative (sometimes really bad) thoughts about the future and about my life, I am overeating and my motivation is almost 0 (tough time to come to work).

It is ironic that I decided to stop my failing marriage a couple of years ago, in order to pursue dreams that I had since young age but now my back situation is putting in jeopardy all of this; Sometimes I think that I'd rather be dead than rely on other people to care for me or not being able to take care of myself; this is the very worst that could happen to me and just the thought of that makes me really sad

So, I have been thinking of surgery (disc replacement) ... but I am going to postpone that until there is no other choice, because these surgeries are extremely dangerous



So lets talk spirituality, ... I've always been told that I have many [powerful] spiritual gifts, although some have not manifested yet in this reality, though I have had plenty of strange dreams that in my opinion have a STRONG spiritual nature and that are related to these gifts


I constantly pray to God, Jesus and their angels, specially Michael, for healing; I put one hand in the area where I feel the most pain and keep praying and praying. Somehow something tells me that I can dig deeper and tap into my gifts but I simply do not know how, which frustrates me. I always thank God no matter how bad this condition gets; I understand that God gives us what we need, not what we ask for ... but I believe I can get spiritual help. I would rather do this than go see other people that cure with energy and the such



Do you have any advise and insight that can help with my situation?

Can you please pray for me, for healing and that I can tap into my spiritual gifts?



thank you so much