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Originally Posted by knightoflenity
The OP is only 21 & is basing the idea of the soul mate on a "picture" within mind - not based on feelings.
At the end of the day - I don't care!
If someone is young however & are being swayed towards a potentially damaging lifestyle then .. sorry .. I will speak up..
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I resonate with the idea that every woman would benefit most from feeling into what is in her heart's authentic alignment. Know or lean into her own inner compass. THIS more than any other's outside words and advice or expectation that isn't her own and does not resonate inside.
Once I found trust in my own inner compass and leaned in ...
my fears had less and less of a fearful hold on me. It did take a huge dark night of the soul to set me on my way... followed by a wallop of a spiritual connection that catalyzed the heck out of me. Maybe unaddressed issues extending well into adulthood... maybe exactly what is required for my particular path... to each his/her own... my trust is my courage to approach life!
Relationship concepts like monogamy and polyamory can be expressed in damaging ways... and loving ways, IMHO. Naive (in age or thought) or not ~ life comes and we grow or... stagnate and decay... I commit to my heart's growth! and trust it's resilience... cuz' I feel it. And. I've witnessed its shattering and resurgence well often enough. Sure, you can call it rosy colored glasses if you like
I consider it part of many shifts in my perspective... and focus. reconsidering belief systems that while they served me this far... inside I was needing to purge what no longer serves me an re-emerge.
I appreciate knowing that I am free to relate and know people and love whoever my heart chooses to love. Sharing authentically (what is good for me to express) in face of any fear, leaning into my journey of releasing attachment to outcomes. People choose/love to be in my life and I theirs. (Maybe my kids don't feel this way but even this perhaps is perfect...) While kind and patient I will not allow social norms, nor a love's fears and insecurity, to confine my heart... I honestly share with the people closest to me how I feel and it's been good for me so far. Is it always easy? Heck no!!!! Relationships and being authentic and communicating with care takes a lot - especially if one has inner wounds to heal. and shadow stuff to see. And I do. Do you?
Personally, I'm not hopping into multiple beds and sexual escapades from love to new love... This seems to be an idea about polyamory that I bump into a lot and I guess I am choosing to speak up about this assumption. There are about as many expressions of polyamory as there are types of families... If you have a family or want a family you'd like to prioritize your time... Ok! Have at it! Polyamory doesn't stop you from organizing your life this way.
It can be challenging to know what structures and concepts to re-evaluate... and building from the broken ground up... beliefs that resonate and empower. From knowing what one desires, committing to growth... and holding no expectations and belief of entitlement to it... Rather manifesting through self motivation, passion and commitment. Authenticity being it's own gift of freedom... We show up not out of duty or predetermined/chosen hierarchy but because we desire it and commit to it each day.
Wife, ex-wife, sister, friend, lover, daughters, sons, co-workers, Co-Founder, ... Bandwidth and time can be limited no matter the reason... and emergencies happen... yes. Planning ahead and being real about what you are looking for is essential. People do split attentions and share attentions and find all kinds of ways to support each other. Especially if we are coming from a generous and loving place. Basing our choices to limit love for someone because of some projected/imagined date(s) of conflict is fear based, IMO. If there is an emergency I imagine your life partners will do what they can to show up. Or you have a network of support... for those times when we are not immediately on hand for a variety of reasons. This is where interdependence helps me feel safe and provided for. Do you have an emergency contact list?
What is damaging about acknowledging and intentionally holding space for our loved ones and ourselves to be free to receive and give love. Can you consider that its possible to love more than one... If it is possible I'd like to hold space for it's potentiality rather than put an immediate kibosh on it because... why? How do you suppose your partner shares any love they have for another in a system that potentially breaks down when life happens and love is felt. Whether it includes sex or not. Sex can get us all overly excited and blocked right?... hehe...
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Originally Posted by knightoflenity
They don't have to listen but at least I said something. If a youngster purchased a fast motorbike it would be the same concept.
I.e don't run before you can walk. Don't jump from person to person just because a single relationship has not worked out - especially so young..
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Monogamous often jump from person to person too... especially while young. Never worked for me... YMMV. OP seems to want more stability and long term connection. I hope she found her way...
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Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Poly-amorous relationships are between those people to sort out - but lets be truthful - unless you live within a commune how is the time & attention shared out evenly?
How are you "there" for more than one person at once?
If there are two tragedies or three how do you decide who you prioritise?
If there were multiple children - which get attention & when?
Now for a 21 year old most of these problems/ questions are a few years away - BUT - it's a big culture shock, especially if one of the "other" people are obsessive or jealous types. Or if a child happens to be thrown into the mix.
It sounds as though the OP is not yet ready for "commitment" & that is fine.
A person may never be ready to fully commit to one person - that's your choice but don't pretend that everything is rosey & bright.
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I suspect we have different ideas on what commitment means :-)
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Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Polyamorous relationships often stem from a bad place, commitment or family history whereby a person doesn't feel that they deserve to be treated particularly special so they "share".
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*relationships often stem from a bad place, commitment or family history whereby a person doesn't feel that they deserve to be treated particularly special* FULL STOP YES!!! We inherit a lot for sure...
Relationships bring up our stuff and maybe so many who attempt polyamorous relationships may be trying to limp a dying relationship along rather than put it to rest... at least they are trying something... taking action... maybe the exploration helps a relationship reach a different level... relationship structure won't matter one bit if the relating is broken...
practice practice practice
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Originally Posted by knightoflenity
I would like to think that my initial post & this one is one of responsibility not just a knee jerk reaction because it suits or doesn't suit me.
If a person were to post about eating paint chips or stones I swear one person would justify it "because I do it all the time".
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I appreciate your desire to share wisdom as you've attained it. I'm interested in the situations you've witnessed. Just doing the same... OP considers herself polyamorous. At least at the time of this post. I'm just accepting that as a meaningful and conscious choice for the OP to make. If it shifts or changes in time and experience... Ok.
To answer the original question... can a soulmate return even after a break up when timing or whatever is better?
Anything is possible. best to live as if there is no guarantee... and imagine your greatest story. live life fully Now. And welcome love into your heart. Even if that means loving and accepting yourself and your love for someone who doesn't want to share their life with you atm. for whatever reason.
Cheers