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Hello, everybody, I've been experiencing an undefined call during some periods of my life, but lately it has become so strong, I can't handle it. I started reading about shamanism and everything that has happened to me makes sense, however, I feel confused since the call has somehow gone ( but not completely) today. It's like being abondoned. That's why I wanted to share some of my experience with you and ask for advice.
When I was a child, I couldn't sleep because of the things I was seeing, I was also visited by ghosts once and had very strange dreams.This stopped while I was growing up, but when I turned 17 I started having vivid lucid dreams and sleep paralysis out of nowhere. I was visited by some creatures in my dreams, including 3 human-like, who told me my knowledge was threatening their existence and are here to destroy me, 2 aliens who tried to kidnap me out of my bed but got scared when I look them in the eyes and disappeared, a very powerful demonic creature, who tried to suck my soul out several times etc. Fortunately, I manage to deal with it. Anyway, in the course of almost a year this stopped.
Last year, I used to have severe problems with drugs, tried to kill myself and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then I'm on the edge of getting totally mad and on other hand becoming more and more conscious. I started writing strange poetry, based on the things I see, and sometimes I draw in the same manner, even though I don't have the talent for this.
This summer I was in the nature, got high, and felt like a different creature, completely pure, I heard a voice, which was my voice but on a higher level, telling me I have to become a shaman. I've been ignoring it since then, because I was too focused on my art, but know I feel like it is the time. However, "the silence" of the call, I mentioned at the beginning, is completely confusing and terrifying me, and I have no idea what to do.
Sorry, if I was too long, but I really need some guidance...Thank you. :)
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