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Thank you HORACE for that! I have continued, and while I have not felt the great sobs again ( I wish I would have known enough to let it go at the time), I have had some tears. I think I still need that greater release but it hasn't come again after me stuffing it back down and essentially supressing it that first time. I am excited as this morning my daughter interrupted my meditation by knocking on my door, I tried my best to ignore it and continue but it kept nagging at me and I couldn't take it and had to finally abandon my meditation. When I eventually went out, I stated to my daughter, 'you were knocking'? Only to find out she in fact, actually came into my room! I was not even aware of her presence! While I heard the knocking I never even realized it went beyond that and that she was physically in my room moving around! I am so encouraged by that! To realize I was deep enough that I never picked up on her presence is a bit amazing to me. I knew she had knocked, several times, but I thought she went away and gave up, when in fact she came into my room to get something she needed. So, while I'm disappointed in myself for not continuing my meditation session, I'm amazed by this knowledge! I am what is known as 'hypersensitive' due to past abuse issues. So I am used to picking up on every nuance, which is actually quite annoying. So for her to have physically come into my room and for that to not even register within me.... I find that amazing!
As far as the crying.... I feel I need that release, but it isn't happening now and I'm a bit angry with myself for not letting it flow when it happened. What if I lost my chance at a great release and cleansing? I'm trying not to focus on that or stress about it but I feel like I screwed up big time and missed out on something huge. Which is depressing.
Any advise or guidance you have is so very appreciated.
Love, light and friendship,
~Ais
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