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  #19  
Old 24-04-2011, 09:14 PM
lightworker
Posts: n/a
 
Hello everyone,
I thought i'd give you an update.
We went to a friends party on the weekend, which he didn't want to go to, but went anyway. He got blind drunk, was really rude (like normal) to all our friends and when we got home he told me I am pathetic for having a dance with our 15 year old daughter, like i was trying to be 15 again, it was one song for goodness sake! He said it's time i grew up and realised that life is not about fun, and to adjust to being an adult. We never go anywhere or do anything, I dance to one song and I need to grow up?
I left a physically abusive relationship when i was 18, and that has given me alot of baggage to get over in my life because I loved that boy so deeply & couldn't understand how he could love me so beautifully most days and punch me in the head on another day.
I realised while lying in bed listening to my husband tell me i'm pathetic and need to grow up, and had a light bulb moment (thanks Oprah!) that this relationship is no different to the last violent relationship i had, except this man doesn't hit me. When he is sober he can be quite nice and loving at times and then he gets drunk and says some of the meanest things (one night he told me he doesn't think our kids are really his! and our kids heard this) and he wakes up and doesn't remember anything he says. I remember it all, and it is so confusing, for my heart and my head, and i'm sure it's confusing to the kids. He says he is so sorry and he didn't mean it & it won't happen again, and it still happens everytime we go out. I have asked him not to drink when we do go out and then everything is ok, but he says i'll just have a few and before i know it he's off his face and being rude to everyone. It's gotten to the point where i feel i can't go anywhere with him publicly. He is isolating me with everyone we know because they don't want him at their parties etc.
I am done now, i just need to figure out where to go, i have tried and tried, we have had counselling over the years, he has broke every promise he has ever made, I just lied in bed yesterday all day, too numb to function, it's ridiculous.
I wish him love & light, but i refuse to subject myself & my kids to this any longer.
Thankyou all so much for your wise counsel, it has given me much needed support. xxoo
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