Quote:
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Originally Posted by BurningBush
After I read this post, my first thought was that searching for truth might be preventing me from seeing it.
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Hiya burning bush :) ready for an offload ? lol
Im going thru a pretty big re-arrangement of things myself at the moment to, its starting to feel like I move further away from this particular set of spiritual parameters ive believed as my truth everyday, which initially felt very disappointing, so i took some time to stop looking..
What im starting to find now is that there is a vast difference between the truth and my truth in depth, When i really break down what i think this whole 'spirituality' is to me and how much of it is genuinely my truth and how much is gathered information that fits, or i want to fit, or i want it to be or feel or on the flip side have been conditioned too be or feel, grown up within etc... it was strange to ask myself the question,.. forget all that, all youve read and heard and seen 2nd hand WHAT do you know, really truly know... the difference between those two was vast, the scope was massive and some of the things i thought i knew but didnt were sad and heartbreaking to realise cause i wanted it so much...
I think obe is helping to change the way i view my' spirituality'.. im starting to not even like the word!.. because before i kinda felt that if i read someone elses truth and it resonated with me, that could then be my truth, it felt right, it made sense, i could IMAGINE how it works, despite the relationship to the experience of getting it not being there! That if a part of some other truth than what id experienced has aspects or parts that were suggesting truth for me, then somehow what was missing from experience to make it complete and my own whole truth, id search out those experiences, acting them out seeing how they fitted in the scenes of my life and often was very satisfied with this! Soon after this i began to question my motives here, was i infact just being a 2nd hand cast of my own experiences!! ....hmmmm!!
The reason obe is changing how i see things is pretty simple and not to do so much with the process itself but the experience...
and as such works with anything you experience versus want to/desire to, am sure i do etc!!! Here i am the experience, which cant be influenced by other peoples thoughts, opinions, beliefs, ideas, critisisms or indeed truth of... if its questioned it doesnt even care, it doesnt question back, if anything its likely to smile and just move on... with no detremental causings. It never changes the experience, unlike some of the truths i thought i had which could get knocked about all over the place by people and ideas, theorys and essentially myself! I began to think hold on.... if this is truth, whats making anything shake it...what does this hold that the rest of my beliefs dont.. it was the I am part...
So out of maybe 100 things i thought i knew as my truth, maybe 10% remain in tact after this wall bashing exercise...10% that you could quite literally laugh in my face for and they wouldnt even flutter. I dont feel at home in the same places i was just weeks ago, they no longer serve me any purpose although they potentially hold the way forward too finding my truth that fits in with this set or that set..or doesnt... they cant give me truth, infact im starting to understand nothing can except its experience, i can get inspired, i can get motivated and uplifted by everything else, but its like living in a shadow to me now, but it has felt a very comfortable curtain for years and years now. Its a shocking process this one im very quiet to say the least even in my physical world at the moment..
I will also point out those 10% of truths happened beyond any situations i set up to encourage spiritual awareness... the 10% of things that probably only make up 2-3 'catergorys' and ive stopped looking for more, I dont think they come as often as we think they should either so we crave more...or we want it now etc etc or even as you say get to the point where we think whats the point in looking....... and thats ok, not to say we cant help the search with everything we do, neither am i saying this is the case and will resonate as i see it for any other person alive! im starting to really believe.. just as you say here in a roundabout way, is it about seeking them out or just being still and watching for when its truth graces us? and when it does however long or shorta period of time that is, does this make whats happening now any less...???
What im starting to understand is maybe truth finds us,, but were impatient!!
I often wonder how our pursuits for this truth can send our spirits running around in circles like this, i often laugh at myself and my own behaviours and ideas in this light! I also wonder sometimes what the point of shedding my inner light serves in accordance with other people, when it cant be theirs.. i feel a little like ive tried to take control of the truth, adapting to fit in and wonder why im now left disillusioned, i also wonder if ive felt a little like not knowing the truth, especially considering so many people seem to, made me less spiritually valid, made me less spiritual. But it doesnt, and not having mindblowing experiences every day doesnt cause otherwise im starting to think what would exactly be the point of all this from that perspective, i dont want to live waiting for the next spiritual experience anymore, i think i want to see what happens when you dont now. All i do know is my soul just got undressed again lol ;)
Thats my rambles on it, probably wont help (lol) but this topics close to my heart at the moment so thankyou for sharing and allowing me to :)
Loopy :)