As we can see...there are an awful lot of ways to experience sexual abuse and they all leave scars.
Abuse or rape as a child leaves deep scars.
So does abuse or rape as an adult.
Marital or committed partner abuse or rape is another layer of harm and betrayal, one that is very commonly overlooked.
I'll go one further...many today also experience abuse and rape in relationship IMO but don't name it as such
because they realise they are being used and penetrated without love. Meaning, their realisation makes many feel complicit and thus reluctant to name the truth.
Same with those doing the using and penetrating, but the tendency toward denial is often 10x stronger in that case...because it would be extremely difficult for many to look in the mirror, so they must desperately cling to the notion that it's ok to commit emotional and spiritual rape, and to commit what physically feels like rape to many on the receiving end...so long as it didn't involve outright coercion (like the use of alcohol or force) in the penetration or abuse, or not too much of it anyway.
A fair amount of "committed relationship" or marital sex is like this when authentic love is lacking. In any sexual act, if a partner comes to the act without their full and engaged authentically loving presence, it is a spiritually, emotionally, and physically caustic and traumatic event. I.e., penetration and touching without love, or with apathy or anger, or whilst drunk or high, or whilst thinking of another & using the partner as an outlet, etc.
One of the greatest spiritual harms we can endure is to be penetrated or touched intimately without the presence of an authentic love for our person, for our soul, even a single time. And particularly long-term or on a repeated basis. This is such a powerful and fundamental aspect aspect of What Is that IMO once you experience the truth of it in your own way -- and many of us here already have done -- you could never go back to "the body is banal so (since it doesn't matter) then give us a shag" mindset.
The way we begin to heal, IMO, is to first and foremost to take ownership of our lives on every level and give ourselves permission to be powerful, creative, resourceful, inspiring, sanctified, divine, and whole in our manifest lives. At the most fundamental level, this means protecting, caring for, and nurturing our hearts and our bodies. It means being present with ourselves with authentic love
The most critical thing to do first is to stop the bleeding and withdraw from all sexual activity outside the context of a deep and abiding mutual authentic love. Including IMO saying "no" to spouses or partners whenever they do not, will not, or cannot relate to you or be present with you with a deep, mutual and abiding authentic love. For some, partner rape or sexual coercion will continue until and unless they leave the relationship...which is appalling and an obvious source of trauma.
In caring for the most basic, fundamental integrity of our hearts and bodies in this way, we teach ourselves to find authentic love for our person non-sexually whilst we heal...whether from beloved family, friends, mentors, neighbours, guides, and fellow travellers alike. So that the sex we have is with those we share a deep and abiding mutual love, whereby the sex is not caustic, corrosive, and damaging to our souls over the long haul. But rather whereby it is and continues to be a source of integral goodness. joy, sustenance, and healing.
Peace & blessings, and much love & light to all
7L