Within Silence;
thank you for answering it means a lot to me.
I dont really know much, especially outside my own experience. i dont profess to be any kind of master in taoism, only that I thought i understood it, now it seems i am utterly lost...its kind of funny actually.

The bottom line is I dont know what I want. thats the issue!

pls accept my apologies for some of my contradictions. i am as i said...confused.

so maybe your message is to just stop thinking, not worry about anything(difficult), and just allow.
yes I understood that aspect of it. could just be as simple as me thinking too much? pure acceptance?...just living life without the judgements?


here is what started all this

I play cello. after reading the below article recently, I asked myself- if i was the last person on earth, would i still pick it up and play just for enjoyment? the answer is no. I probably wouldn't play.

I just dont enjoy it enough to do, if there was no goal i.e. playing beautifully to another person. I keep hearing all these pro's talk about, how the best times are when they are alone with thier instrument. enjoying it. But I dont feel that way. I think somehow i should feel that way. (yes the tao is individual).but my best feelings come from playing beautifully, constantly getting better. because then the better I am at expressing myself.


i play cello i suppose, because I want to be patted on the head and told I make beautiful music. if no one was around to do that, why play? thus by the below article, its egotistical. can ego be good?

but does not the tao teach that we should let go of ego? and if i play music not for myself but for the wrong reasons such as glory or for musical standing, is this not ego attachment? and the only way to solve this is to not play(wu wei)?

pls bear with me as this all started from an article. see article below.


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Why do you want to be a musician? To get attention? To attract girls (or boys)? To be rich and famous? If your answer was one of these or something similar, this article is just what you need!

All of these common reasons for wanting to be a musician are EGO ORIENTED. Your ego is a demanding slave driver which is never satisfied. It constantly pushes you to do more, be more, achieve more. In the eyes of your EGO, you are NEVER good enough and what's more, you are never GOING TO BE good enough. What a painful and wasteful way to live!

Your ego tells you that you must be able to play faster scales, more complicated drum beats, more impressive songs than anyone else. You must gather more and more attention for your amazing technical abilities. The more you pursue the satisfaction of your ego, the more it will elude you. That is the nature of this EGO BEAST. If you want to be a musician, turn your attention AWAY FROM YOURSELF and concentrate your focus on the MUSIC.

The Tao of Music 3 says: Become a servant to the magnificent creative power that is MUSIC. By putting the music before your ego, you will naturally attract everything that you need to become a musician--EXACTLY at the moment that you need it and are capable of handling it! The appropriate exercises, lessons, even the perfect teacher will come your way. Your only job is to appreciate these things as they come and take joy in putting them to use.

I can't begin to tell you how many students, both on and off line, have expressed concern with overwhelming "stage fright"--performance anxiety. What are the thoughts that go through your mind before a performance? Do they go something like: What if I mess up? What will people think of ME? Everyone will be looking at ME!
Can you see that these are all ego concerns? I can tell you from years of performing experience that if you concentrate on yourself, you are going to be nervous. No one is comfortable at the thought of being judged by a crowd. If, however, you immerse yourself in the MUSIC, become one with it, concentrate ONLY on it, your performance anxiety will fall by the wayside. Let the music play YOU!

Become a servant to the magnificent creative power that is MUSIC. By putting the music before your ego, you will naturally attract everything that you need to become a musician--EXACTLY at the moment that you need it and are capable of handling it!

Above all--do NOT brag about your playing or continually try to convince yourself and others how great and knowledgeable you are! There is an INVERSE relationship between self-aggrandizement and true musicianship.

It goes like this: The great ones never brag and the ones who brag are never great! Start observing as you interact with others who play music--you will be amazed at the truth of this axiom.

In summary, the Tao of Music3 says: if you are to become a musician, you must serve the MUSIC and not YOURSELF. Stop keeping score of your ego-driven accomplishments and start doing your very best to honor and celebrate the great creative force of music--IT has chosen YOU!