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Originally Posted by LumLumPop
In 2010 my beloved grandmother died. We were very close,kinda kindred spirits. I began to write letters to her after she died, it comforted me to a degree. My sister found them and said that was a way to let demons into our home and burned them all. It made me heartbroken but every now and again I still write letters(I burn them after I finish writing to her). Am I putting my family and home in danger? I wish I could know if she ever gets them,I miss her terribly. She was the mother in my life and after 4 years I still haven't fully come to terms with it. I hope she's happy where she is. Sometimes I feel like I could've prevented it,I was supposed to go home with her after the luncheon but I selfishly decided to go home with my Dad and she got hurt. I feel like it's my fault! There's so many things I wish she could see me do and sometimes I feel like I'm in desperate need of her wisdom. I hope she's getting my letters,wherever she is. I'm not endangering my family am I?
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I call that journaling ...
A few years ago, my then 65yr old sister accused me of "communing w/the dead ...
That was/is her Catholic belief ...
And b/c I was 49yrs old, I gave her the middle finger then used it to direct her to the front door ...
To this day she has never suffered a loss, so basically, her words have no meaning ...
What your sister did to you was invade your privacy as did mine ...
Not only did she not have the right to touch your letters, she went too far by placing fear in your mind ...
Mine found out I was not going to tolerate control games ...
People say things to the grieving that sound cruel & they are b/c we, unintentionally, feel it to the depth of our soul ...
Its as if to say, "You are grieving wrong!" or "They're dead, stop loving him/her, close the book" ...
What they don't get is we feel lost & confused w/out the person, as irrational as it all may sound, that's just how grief is ...
We didn't cause our brain chemistry to change, the brain does it automatically in response to death as well as for our protection to keep from killing ourself from the mental & physical pain of loss ...
Grief also makes a person feel guilty as if they could've prevented the death; its called survivor's guilt ...
There was nothing selfish about you going w/your Dad ...
You weren't meant to be w/her when she was injured or died ...
She protected you from witnessing it ...
If you had been w/her, it might have caused life long PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) ...
I have PTSD. There was a time it was like having a demon inside me tweaking my nerves & constantly popping out to raise havoc ...
This might not help you to know this now, but it is something you might want to remind yourself of ...
Grandmother protected you ...
Bless her soul ...
Whatever practical things you can do to ease your heart is what I suggest you do in private ...
If it gets unbearable, please ask your Mom or Dad or both to schedule an appointment w/a therapist or psychologist ...
