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Sounds like you were born to be a very sensitive person with many potential gifts.
Then it went wrong as you had no one to guide you with these, had no resonance and didn't deal with it the right way. (this happens an awful lot btw)
Most everyone who's born has a sense that there's something wrong with this world although few can put into words what it is. That's why so many youngsters / teenagers get lost and get into gaming and blowing --> escapism.
In any case, you can work on these things yourself. First you can find yourself a good teacher, or organisation that offers courses on matters that pique your interest so you can further develop your gifts. Then you begin to reap the benefits of them, which is the idea.
You must bear in mind you came here by your own free choice, you wanted to be here during this extremely rare and beautiful time of transitioning from 3D to 5D. That's why the last decades hundreds of thousands, likely millions, of souls came in from all over the Universe to get the chance to experience this! It's incredibly unique, Earth is a unique learning school in the Universe, and this transition we're going through is what the entire Universe has been waiting for for eons! Ever since Atlantis fell!
Meaning it's not a nightmare to be here, it's a big privilege!
You speak of abhorring mankind. No wonder you are depressed. You are here for your own soul growth, enormous growth, but also to serve and help mankind. By not seeing how beautiful and unique the entire ascension process is, and thus ending up saying you abhor people, you go right against the grain of your own Soul and what your Soul chose to learn and do and experience!! And you wonder why you don't feel good? You've gotten out of alignment with yourself.
Now that's something you can work on. You can learn about the ascension process so that this understanding will aid a shift in perspective.
I too am very sensitive, I too often don't feel home, I too never felt really understood, I too find it difficult to find people who get me, people I can relate to and who can relate to me. Even as a child. I got bullied for years on end.
Yet I never lost my connection and always bounce back. Because I DO see the beauty of all, but that did take dedication, interest, and time. Lots of reading, doing workshops, courses, with the right people, who if you connect with your intuition appear on your path as if by magic.
I know so much, hold so much wisdom, hardly anyone can understand what I am all about. Most haven't the interest. But that's okay. I know there are more like me so on a higher level I'm not alone.
Even online I cannot find resonance as most people are still at beginning phases of everything. I dare say without being self-absorbed that I am lightyears ahead of most that you find online. Wise people are seldom to be found online. They teach others.
In any case, start searching for your teachers. Open up to your intuition so they will come your way. If you don't even know how to tap into your intuition then do an intuitive development course. This would be good anyway as that will help clear your energy system and dump negative and dense stuff from it so that after that you are far more stable, know a helluva lot more. Then your growth will speed up too.
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