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peacemaker,
I have been through similar phases. From a "spiritual high" I went down again. Several times, since 1990.
It can happen. You are not alone with this. You can get out of this again and back into spirituality if you really want to.
Now the trouble is that no one else can tell you what to strive for and what to do.
You can always start small. Like just doing breathing practice for two minutes. Or just thinking about what you are grateful for. Also gives you something to do while you have to wait. Next time you are stuck in traffic jam or standing in a queue, take a few deep breaths and focus or your breath. (Do the same when you feel like opening a bottle of beer or wine.) Or think about something that you, personally connect with happiness, joy. Or make a mental note about everything you like about yourself and your life. About everything you can be grateful for.
You allowed "negative" influences to affect you. Can happen to everyone. You should try and forgive yourself.
By society standards, I am not a "successful" person either. I suffered from this until I realized that other people's standards do not have to be my own standards. You do not need a "successful" career to be worthy. You do not need to fit in a group (of course it still is a good idea to get rid of any grudge held against your family and other people close to you). You do not need a crowd of "friends". Society and mass media might suggest that, but there is no need to define yourself by such standards.
What helped me a lot was stopping to compare myself to others. While there ARE people who have skills that I do not have, of course, and people who are better suited for a specific task, they are no "better" or "worse" than I am.
(What is the "I", anyway? The body? The mind? The soul? Such questions also helped me.)
I was close to become an alcoholic, but I quit. Just so. And when I could do it, you can do it, too. Maybe you will need help, maybe you can do it your own. That, only you know. Most important here is that you really WANT to quit.
I am really thankful for this forum. Because in some posts here I can find the constant reminders I still need. Keeps me from falling back into old patterns of behavior and thinking that are not helpful. Helps me not to allow everyday life influences to affect me.
Hope you will find a way, too, to see your inner light again.
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