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Thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers.
My initial suicide/heaven beliefs did come from the catholic faith however, I have since moved on from religion all together. They don't teach of this stuff on this forum in CCD or even Sunday school in any church that I've ever heard of. What I have learned comes from within.
I once struggled with depression. For about 14 yrs until I was healed. I've had two failed suicide attempts so I know how she felt - and even if not to the nth degree - I've been there. And I do understand how she could believe it was her only way to escape the darkness. She was on the wrong medication which is why we believe she was able to commit this horrendous act. This seamless woman, who was in charge of every breath from dawn to dark, who lit up the world with her singing and grace and love and how she loved her children...only 7 months ago something invaded her and drove her away from us, God, her children, and any joy she had. She did not find comfort in anything worldly.
I truly believe that when she died, she was welcomed with open arms and when I close my eyes I can see her so light and loved. I can feel her all around us. I do not wish her back here at all. I will surely miss her, as we all will, but we are settled in the peace that we know she now has. She is being healed, cared for, and will be given whatever role she will now fill.
Suicide IS a delicate matter however the bottom line is, people need to be loved and remembered regardless. I would never think anyone a loser should they take their own life. In their minds, it is the only way. (I've been there. I just didn't do it right.)
And we are not to judge that. We embrace one another and mourn however, we feel her love even moreso than before.
Thank you so much again, for listening to me. Still in a bit of shock and sadness and coming full circle with knowing she is in a far better place...
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