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My mom died a couple years ago. My dad phoned me earlier in the day to say she won't wake up. It was the first time during that time she got so bad that I actually took time for myself and went for a long bike ride. I got a flat tire and had to walk my bike back to the car (I was biking at a place an hour from where I lived too)...so I rushed back home and over to see her. She was laying there and did not seem conscious or in a very deep sleep on her way to go...I shouted MOM! And she startled back and her eyes were rolled back in her head but then came back and she shouted back What?? lol. I asked if she was alright and she said yes, but she wanted toast and coffee. I told her it was evening but she insisted on toast and coffee. I made her toast but no coffee. I knew something was going on. She talked a little bit albeit seemingly out of it. She asked for this thing she had to clear her lungs and in trying to use it, made her silly face in that she was having a hard time (she had lung cancer)..it was heartening to see her make that silly face again...Then she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I said okay, mom, go to sleep...she said "Okay" like a little girl, closed her eyes but then opened them back up and stared at the ceiling. I went and sat next to her and asked what she saw. She said nothing. I knew she was leaving me. I asked if she saw her dog, Ragsy...and then named off all her deceased friends and family that I could think of because she was staring so intently at something or someone and I heard many stories of dying people seeing people already dead...plus she had been dreaming about many friends and family who were dead and telling me about her dreams. I knew her time was coming not only by her rapidly declining condition but those dreams. Anyway, I sat with her and just watched death come. I felt like I was narrating it in my mind. Probably sounds morbid. I remember thinking so this is what it's like when someone dies...but I knew it was just her body dying. Then she started blowing bubbles out of her mouth as she exhaled for the last time. I watched it. I said goodbye mom. Looked around the room wondering where abouts she was before she went off with whoever, whatever she was staring at before she died.. I covered her up, tucked her body neatly with her blanket and a penny fell flat onto the blanket over her chest. I thought it was so odd because I was the only one tending to her needs like changing her, bathing her...so I knew there was nothing on her bed but she always talked about pennies when someone died, so I guess she wanted to prove that to me....and a few days later when I was mowing the lawn I saw something white falling to the ground but it shimmered so to catch my eye. I went towards it and it was a single white feather. I smirked and asked is that you mom? Put the feather on the mower and later brought it in the house and put it on her picture frame and it was the same color as her hair.
My dad is in very poor health now...and I was always extremely close to him. I have a very difficult time looking at him and just remembering how strong and the amazing vitality he had even into his mid-80s...seeing him in the condition he is in now is the hardest for me. I brought Christmas dinner over to him and my younger brother and it took some getting for him to sit up and eat finally. It's just so hard to see him this way. He feels ashamed to struggle to eat and he's still so proud and will not accept assistance so we all have to keep talking and not focus on him so he doesn't feel the shame...sometimes I have to leave the room because I feel my eyes tearing up.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad...and thank you for sharing it all with us...I smiled to hear about your dad putting songs on the radio. I can see my own dad doing that one day.
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