Thank you so very much. I recognize the issue/s you describe.

What I have also thought about is if it is working through other people in my life, past, at times when they couldn't fight it and therefor increased their own (vulnerability) darkness.

When I was really open I had these experiences but they only lasted for such a brief, brief time, and I tried my utmost to blame it on imagination, a glitch. It was about a time with for example a past boyfriend behaving a certain way.

I think we can all have vulnerabilities we are not aware of we have of negativity/darkness, does not mean we are evil, or think it is OK having or think we have healed from it and that is the gateway in, ones soul has to be aware and strong enough to fight it/them.

I have even gone as far as thinking why my past relationship with my first love broke down was not solo because of him (he always claimed he had no memory of the break up, only glimpses but then again his brain was at a vulnerable state him having been on detox from drinking, he was young but he was already in trouble).

I have even gone as far as thinking dark forces wanted to somehow twist and turn my fate to it's advantage, so getting rid of him was step number one, before he swirled downwards into him reemerging into his addiction and not getting his private life in order because of it. I know he was a good guy, a really good guy, but he had unfinished stuff from his past that he was honest to me about. He was one of the rare kind - just such a good guy, I could tell in the smallest things he would do without him thinking or wanting credit for it.

I can not say if my next boyfriend already knew of me back then, it is possible although I can not remember having met him yet. I think for sure dark forces was either solo in him but that he could have been under the influence as well of other energies. I've been told by mediums, sensitives without me ever saying anything about him - it is him that comes through (edited).
I think deep down we are all good, we are from the light but we have our own journey to make, and once we get to goal/the light it don't matter how long or short our journey has been, as long as we get there.

I myself have to say that I have family members/relatives that to me are like "little Buddhas" standing in line. I too have kindness, patience but after the 40th round or so it is as if I am running out of patience and then this other assertive me take over, I really then try to hold it back, but they know I am not kidding then. I can then sense the feeling of power and although louring to let it take over I never do. (edited).

I think the way you do too about love lacking, understanding why the darkness then take charge.

The spirits I have met, most of them and even now it is so surreal to me that I am still questioning if it was really real, they are to my "knowing" so close to the earth realm, a specific level, and they come through. Some able to help to the light, some vanish because they don't want to. Some feelings I recognize as my own when I have been unhappy etc, and so I am thinking maybe that helps in a way, as we are then one and the same, sort of. If when I can I have called in the experts to take over but then they have tried to guide me to and wanted me to trust my own experiences, I'm just afraid to do something wrong. I have not seek anyone out, they have done so with me.

I think it may very well be true that there are beings that are not and most likely has never been of a human spirit and who ever made them I don't know. then again they can use masks, look like they want to, so one has to go by feeling.

It is very interesting to read of your experiences, I really must say, thank you again for sharing, and how to get around this problem.