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Thank you for your comment, Tobi.
My smartphone's screen is about 8 or 9 inches tall and 4 inches wide. I have her picture on it, so it's really big. It feels as if she's almost there looking at me everyday. I don't know what I'd do without that picture. Since I can no longer hold her at least I can still see her.
I talk to her picture every other day and look at it daily. I had been doing fine until last night when this overwhelming sadness took hold. I just was missing her and about to cry. After I woke up this morning something remarkable happened. I woke up at 7:25 a.m. but stayed in bed until 8:30 a.m. checking my messages and just looking at my phone. All of a sudden I heard Fifi's bark. I could not believe it. Having been up for an hour I was wide awake so it's not like I was waking up from a dream when I heard it. She only barked once and it was definitely her. The first time I heard her bark was the morning after she died and she barked about 10 or so times in a row. She used to bark over and over again like that when she was alive. Her ashes are also in a wooden box and no more than 3 feet from my bed. Maybe 2 1/2 feet.
I wonder if she knew I had been thinking about her a lot and was sad last night, so she paid me a visit. I also thought I felt her lick my ankle the other night. She was paper trained so she never went outside. I would put paper down on the bathroom floor and after she would go she would lick my leg to tell me she was done. She would also bark.
It doesn't matter where I am. I talk to her picture on my phone while I'm sitting in the car, at a public place or at home. I think our pets and loved ones who have crossed over can hear us when we talk to them and I think they really connect to us if we talk to a photo.
I tell her all the time that I love her and am proud of her. I send out my loving thoughts to her, too. I will think of me holding her and wrapping her up inside my robe and just how we bonded while she was alive. I believe that she remembers that and I just want her to know how I feel.
I'd love to have an OBE like you had just so I can hold her again. I hate the thought of her barking or licking me to get my attention and that there is no way for me to respond. About 30 minutes ago I talked to her out loud while looking at my phone. I acknowledged her bark from this morning and I told her I loved her. There are days where I do not feel her at all. I wonder on those days if she is off playing with other dogs and just drops in several times a week or when she senses that somebody is upset.
I'm glad you had that experience with your departed pet. Perhaps you will have that again if you go out of body. I would love to do that just once. Not to say good-bye to our precious little angel but to just hold her again. That's all I want. I miss the physical touch. The only comfort I have is sensing her presence from time to time and catching glimpses of her. I was so happy to hear her bark this morning it made me want to cry. I just wish I could do more than say, "Hey, I hear you!" you know? And I hope that she knows that I can see and hear her.
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