[dishevlment]

Hey everyone, I'm very new here and this experience is what brought me to join a spiritual community...
I fell in love with someone almost two years ago. It's been really hard and confusing. It's a long story. But now I'm probably going through the worst part of it. We saw each other for the first time in over a year a few weeks ago and the night was going really well until it went really bad.
I found out he was lying to me about being single, as I was saying goodbye his phone went off with a text from "sunshine" and it said "I love you baby goodnight," he looked really upset and seemed like he wanted to explain himself but I just said good luck with everything and goodbye. I was so hurt but I did have a strong feeling they were back together and just wanted to ignore it. He soon blocked me and didn't respond to my message.
He ran back to her and it seems like they're doing fine. The whole situation just kills me.

Seeing him confirmed my feelings all along. After so long it was like this natural pull. Something I realized kept happening to us in the past was us locking eyes unexpectedly and it happened again this time but really intensely and he had this huge smile on his face like we were silently communicating "Yeah this is happening again and i thought about it too..." When we kissed that night it was so intense we were holding on to each other so tightly and I almost wanted to cry, I felt like I was pouring everything into it. I found lyrics he wrote about me on this lyric page he has (he doesn't know I know about), that mirrored how I felt, the love and change and also pain when we stopped talking.

I'm just sad how everything turned out. I wrote him a letter a couple of weeks ago that was meant to explain how I felt this whole time. We were never fully forthcoming and tried to play it cool with each other. I didn't write him expecting a response but a part of me hoped it would set things right and we would make it work, instead he is being extra nice to his girlfriend. It's just painful. I think the title "twin flame" is doing more harm than good for me now. I harbor no ill will for him and still care and I try to understand his side even though what he did was so wrong. But I have to let go and move on right now. He wants to be with this other girl. I feel guilty because he cheated with me on her a week after she took him back. I feel played... I mean he's an immature, insecure 25/26 year old guy but underneath that I know how good he is.
I really just wanted to share my experience with people who felt or know about this deep kind of connection with someone. I was/am letting my heartache and sadness consume me. It hard! It's kind of like "wow thanks for this one universe!!" I know I need to change and grow still. I'm only 23, I really didn't think I would meet "the one" until my late thirties but life is very funny. I think that I'm just searching everywhere for his perspective. I can analyze over and over but I'm just wishing for some clarity about what he could have been thinking.
Thanks for reading !!
~E