Forgive me if this is long and disjointed. I've been sobbing off and on all day.

For 6 years, I've been listening to the guy across the street, who has 13 motorcycles, rev them and tune them and ride them and burn carbon so loudly that sometimes we can't hear the tv

4 weeks ago though, I started doing Japa meditation, on the sound of the name of God, as Wayne Dyer instructs, and presto! all sort of changes just sort of started happening. I dropped a friend who was a bad influence, I spontaneously stopped drinking (when you drink every night for a month, yeah, maybe it's a problem?) and several other things just sort of miraculously manifested too (the very exact 18th Century prints I was looking for, two of them, for free, waiting for me at the town dump!) etc

So when I started meditation on the affirmation "I create a home of harmony and beauty." it occurred to me I could just put a nice note in the Motorcycle Man's box, along with a copy of our town's noise regulations, which he totally breaks like every single day. I did.

Well, I got back a pair of earplugs in my mailbox. For some reason, I just fell apart sobbing. This has been since last night into this morning. I just feel so powerless, like such a victim ... :C Maybe I can create an affirmation of his getting a nice new promotion and just moving someplace far far away?

But I think Wayne Dyer would say Motorcycle man is a Divine Teacher, allowing me to practice maintaining inner peace in the face of outer distractions. In which case, the bigger problem isn't noise, but my interpretation and reaction to the loud sound and what I perceive to be his boorish selfishness. It's ME that's the problem. :C I'm allowing externals to steal my inner peace.

Or maybe the ROOT problem is I felt victimized for so long (childhood trauma, bad marriage, difficult post divorce: my first and second chakras are very weak, according to my Reiki provider ) that I just keep attracting bullies into my field of experience. Maybe a better affirmation for me would be something along the lines about being a victor, not a victim any longer?

Waaah. I've been going round in mental circles all day!!! I apologize to anyone who is still reading that this is so long and whiney, but venting & crying is better than me drinking. I really want to stay away from that :C

His name is Brian if anyone wants to send any energy, angels, prayers our way. I sure could use them right now :C