my advice is to follow your heart's guidance.
be true to what feels good in your heart.
be the authentic you, which is based in your heart.
the conflicts you've outlined above seem to be related to
an attempt of the mind to usurp 'control' over your being.
peace and joy are natural functions of a healthy heart;
the doubts and misgivings of a quizzical mind can serve
to entice the heart into growth, if placed into that role.
