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Welcome!
I'm so sorry to hear that things are so bad. I know this is almost impossible to imagine, but there is always a silver lining, look out for it and embrace it when you see it!
Within the bad things that happen to us, there is always a lesson or some way we can grow from it, and that is always a magical thing. When death came into my life, amongst my panic I turned to spirituality and learned how to contact my best friend in the beyond.
In my journey I quickly learned that death is not the end, more like a new beginning, or a next step. That alone changed my perspective from "omg my friend died, is it my fault? bla bla bla" to "My friend passed on to his next life, I hope he's found a good family. Maybe I'll meet him again one day." And I still talk to him every now and then. I feel that when he died he went out of time and perhaps will always hear me.
Also there's many different routes you can take to free yourself from suffering in general. But just to forewarn you, if you're imagining what freedom from suffering is, it's probably not it.
I'm assuming you're fairly new to spirituality. There's a lot of different spiritual paths, it can be overwhelming at first. My advice is, take it slow, look out for things that resonate with you. If it resonates, it's likely for you. If it doesn't resonate, you can put it aside. Remember in the end, spirituality is all about feeling good. Joy, love, consciousness. So do what you can to create joy, love and/or consciousness in your life. (spirituality talks about many many many ways to do so)
I hope this helps even a wee bit :)
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~ Azrael
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