Hey Dharma :) Glad to see you bearing up - good luck with the giving up smoking. And good for you for avoiding ceroc.

It has been almost 6 weeks since I worked my very last shift with him. The first 2-3 weeks were a nightmare. The 4th week I seemed to settle down a little. I even took myself to visit him one day, just to make sure we were still on friendly terms.

I spoke to one of my oldest friends whilst on my way there and she was reminding me about the bond between my husband and I and how we were made for each other etc etc. She could understand my turmoil as well as she had also gone through something very similar.

I managed the half hour visit (he was at work and there were others around) and left - talking to my friend again on the way home. I felt distance and detached from him, it was a good feeling - I'd crossed a threshold.

I felt odd all afternoon, like my solar plexus was being pulled around. I felt a little sick and felt empty. This was proof to me that there is a connection, regardless of what it is. I spent the evening with another friend of mine and again I seemed to settle down a little.

Hubby and I had an almighty row the following evening. It really brought me back to earth - I was lost before then and never thought I would come back to some sort of normality. But I did. I have been since. It's been two weeks since I saw him that time and although I still find myself missing him, my head isnt consumed with thoughts of him. I've had one dream I remembered and one of those dreams were I knew he was in the dream but I couldn't remember it - that day I felt I missed him quite a bit more.

I am seeing a spiritual friend tomorrow. She knows about what I have been through and she is going to help with the healing.

Good Luck and stay strong - it's good to know we have others out there who can support us