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I feel the answer is: both.
Typically you have already done a lot of work otherwise you wouldn't be near the vibration of meeting your TF.
Then there's the last -and often deepest and thus most difficult- remaining bits to heal. They tend to get triggered by your TF because they touch you so deeply.
I think it varies whether you then heal alone or together or a combination of the two. It depends where you were on your path. If you were quite ready to enter a TF relationship, then I think you do it both yourself and together. If you weren't quite that ready yet, you will likely separate, either temporarily or permanently this life. Then you work things out on your own.
When one is in a relationship I think that leaves you with little other option than to do it yourself, unless you can bear and feel like being friends-only.
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