[Jyotir]

Originally Posted by youngnostic

the reason why I ask is because I don't have anything in me that I can identify as an 'ego' which leads me to question: what if I don't have an ego?
Now I know what you might be thinking: I've got blindspots but still have an ego.
But check this: I've been on an introspective spiritual contemplative path of working out my own psychology for the past 14 years. And there have been times, in fact for the majority of that time span, where I was convinced I had an ego and it was blocking me from having fulfilled relationships. I've spent years trying to annihilate my so-called ego and have even gotten to the point where I believed I've succeeded at freeing both my brain's hemispheres of the so-called 'ego' film that leads me to act selfishly or judge the outside phenomena instead of simply witnessing it.
I didn't know where else to go with this question, but as it stands, I currently do not see an 'ego' in me. I've studied neo-advaita which says we have to drop the notion of a personal self or an I and I understood what they were trying to say, that is, I realized my self was an illusion. I've even prior that understood that the word I does not mean self and it felt like my 'I' died. So I've gone through the motions, perhaps excessively to get to the bottom of this ego thing where I did everything I could to make sure I'm not responsible for treating others ****tily and it's not because I have some kind of 'ego' that is my achilles heel. I've gone through the motions of trying to understand self and what I is and realized that after understanding that the 'self' is an illusion that I just have to live and see what unfolds next and what unfolded was the inability to discern a personal 'ego' where I literally walk down the street or have a cigarette and try to think to myself: what is this 'ego' that everyone is talking about and how is it found in me, and realize that I cannot pin point an ego.
Not much is different because we're a product of our environment but I've studied different teachings that all related to the ego and none of them describe me when they describe their epic ego mindsets. I don't fall any category of having an 'ego' based on the various teachings I 've encountered. So please enlighten me on why it's not possible to not have an 'ego' and what characteristics this ego has so that I can tell you if I find them in me...
I know at this point it sounds like I 'm trying to boast and say that I'm some how better than someone else. But that's the whole thing: I'm not. The ego never existed. So if you're like me a couple of years ago trying to understand the personal pronoun "I" or battling some invisible 'ego' try to picture yourself in my position: This imaginary 'ego' never existed.

...Say what?